vent

I was never the good friend that I thought I was. I can see it now — I am the problem, and I guess I can't really fix this. People say that you must talk to your friends about your problems, but I don't think anyone would want a mentally unstable person as their friend. I am a failure. I'm not a good friend, a good daughter, or someone that anyone would want to be with. I'm not even good with myself.

I tried my best to be the perfect friend, I tried to be a good daughter, I tried to be a good person. But now, here I am — I'm too sensitive about everything. I'm just acting like a piece of shit. I don't have any future plans, I can't fully trust anyone, I'm problematic. Even though I tried everything, I just can't.

I can't do anything well. I don't have any talent. I'm not a good person. I'm lazy and stupid. I don't want to try anymore, actually. I want people to try for me. I want to see that someone — anyone — finds me enough to try. Finds me enough to see me as their best friend, a good person. I want someone to say, 'You're not that bad actually,' or 'You're good at…' I don't know.

I just want to be good at something. Anything. Good at math, a game, any hobby, or good as a friend, a lover, a daughter. I want my life to be worthy of living.