just a girl in the world // oh, i've had it up to here

your names are hushed in public places, all this wasted affection going to my head. as your identity will perish, so will my respect for who you wanted to be. "get away from her", he told me, playing the loon as a ch/jester in our court of avoidance and coddling. i wrapped this up because i needed to. making excuses without reciprocation leads to spirals as i look at the dimmed, flickering lights, recalling hushed promises and easy let-downs. take their names out of your mouth. never knowing who i can trust, i give everyone my word and ultimately end up suprised when there's none left for me to speak up. all because you vowed to her and she couldn't accept it, you crawled back to the only one you had left because you assumed she'd be weak and naive, didnt you? a warning, in the 2 months you'd left, i cried, changed and learned. i worried. the joke that you told was me and i'm here to reclaim the punchline. i'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away and just because i usually tried to clean up the spills doesn't mean i'll stay around to mop up the blood spritzing from your body, and this only harms everyone involved. three times a day changed to once a day, changed to three times a week, changed to once a week, changed to not at all, for what? try honesty, it could've avoided.. well.. everything? something being about you doesn't mean it's always negative, even if it's the case now. i was here and i fell for it, you and everything just to get nothing in return (thank god) and you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that was here for you. always. you promised me, and i don't take promises lightly. ughgh. i promised you i'd stay.. this is too far. i'm sorry for not keeping it, but you broke it first. that was my one condition.. and taking a break doesnt FUCKING count. i'm just a girl in the world, that's all that you'll let me be..

note to self: stay stubborn. always ask those 2, they'll know what to do.

xo mfing sycamore