8/18/25

8/18/25

this is embarrassing to admit but ive been crying like. all day. yaaaaaay... school is so fucking overwhelming dude its so bad..Its so bad. i started losing my shit midway through the day it was awful. we had 3 different full-school assembalies. good god. these freshmen are already driving me crazy . i already wrote a bulletin about the dream selfshipper that made friends with me and the people screaming asgore runs over dess full volume in the commons. i spent the whole time drawing on my 3ds because of not being allowed on my phone. during the summer i wonder why im always so suicidal during the school year and the moment i step in there it hits me all at once again. i composed myself to Not be too visibly upset at school but the moment i got home i was just crying for hours .. im usually quite composed when it comes to being overwhelmed, and i calm down fast once i have time to be alone. i havent cried in months. but it was just crying and finally sucking it up just to start crying again . it was mostly about not having a safe space to be when im overwhelmed for the next..3 days. lord. i dont want to cry in front of a bunch of people , but i probably will . my best friends wont be there, so im tented with people im not super close with. at least its 2 people im at the very least kind-of friends with.  i think if i dissociate hard enough and try to interact with people as little as possible, maybe the days will go faster and i can forget about all of it . i really know its not going to be that bad, i just get too emotional at the thought of being away from the things i feel comfortable and safe with. i will try to bring my mini shark plush though, to remind me of my big one. i really dont know what to say, im honestly really exhausted. i want to say more because this will be my last  post for a couple days but i dont have anything else to say. umm.... see you guys on thursday i suppose. if i have the energy to write, but considering last year i didnt have any energy and probably wont this year either. if i block it all out of my head that would be better

today is day 443 no shinjiro and 415 no makoto  i keep seeing the number 444 the past few days (its technically day 444 no shinjiro right now, actually . ) ive been hoping it is some symbol of comfort .