The Legal Definition of a Woman (TW: ED SA SUCIDE)

I arrive to the prison and am immediately bombarded with hoots and hollers
They stare at my hips
They stare at my face
They stare at my breasts

I am put into a cell with one of these men
His eyes pan up and down over and over again
He smiles and says, “this is gonna be fun”

The day goes on, I am stared at
We are given a meal, I am stared at
We are led to the gym, I am stared at

In the showers I stare at the wall
I hear steps behind me
They are laughing

Hands grab my hips and I feel a sharp pain at my rear as I am pressed against the wall
“STOP,” I cry
They do not stop
Not until they are done

The night comes
I rest atop the bunk softly sobbing
Feet begin to climb the ladder

“When are you gonna shut up?” he berates me
I try to scream, but his hand covers my mouth
I try to fight, but his strength is greater than mine

The same pain as the shower

The day comes
I was told to clean the halls
Hands reach out from the shadows

I am pulled in by several of them
A pain far worse than the last

My shift finishes

Day in and day out
Over and over again
In and out

I stop screaming
I stop fighting
I stop eating

Ever meal I stare at my tray
Someone else always eats it for me
How kind of them

I start running
On the treadmill
I am running to my family

My husband
My daughter
My son

Gym time is over, but I keep running
The guards yell at me to get in the showers, but I keep running
They knock me out, but in my mind
I am still running

I try climbing the fence
Hoping I will either escape or they will shoot me
My emaciated body barely gets off the ground before I am pulled down

Day in and day out
Over and over again
In and out
In and out
In and out
In and out
In and out
In and out
In and out

I stop running
I pick up a weight
I lay down and I raise it above my head
I let go

The weight crashes on my head
This is okay

Legally I am not a woman