Just trying, still trying

I'm so tired sometimes. Not really the physical kind, because I sure as hell can't sleep at night either way. Sometimes this just heavy sadness that's more close to metal exhaustion veils over me. I'm trying, I really am, but it just never seems to be enough. I want to make my video game, but the more I work on it, the more it becomes a gruelling task, even if I like doing it. I haven't drawn anything besides pixel art in ages. I haven't played video games for moths, and even when I turn them on I quickly close it, because it's always just too much of a task, too tiring to do it. I think about how many things I want to do and get, and then I just feel numb, torn between need for money and wanting to continue working on my passions. I opened commissions, but so what? I'm not popular, and even with the prices I think are more or less cheep compared to others, no one cares, or maybe they just don't need what I offer. It's not much, but I'm really trying, and it really feels like it's all I can give now. I just don't know why any more. All I can try to do Is keep going, I guess.

I could make this post private... But I won't. I'm tired of hiding my feelings everywhere, trying not to worry people, not to push them away. Nothing I give will be enough for others anyway, no keeping up with making content for them, no supporting and telling others not to worry about me. I'm doing it for myself. But I hope whoever reads it, has better time than me. We all deserve to be happy, and also deserve to show sometimes for everyone to see that we're sad.

That's all I'm.able to say for now