School !!

Im so excited for school, to see my friends, to work towards my future. I have ambition to become a mathetician. Passion. Ive always loved math and writing essays. In general, ive loved the idea of  school. I mean making friends used to be hard but ive practised this summer so ill be alot better at it. I hopefully will date paislee and hopefully paislee wont side with johnae. 7th grade is also a big thing, I mean ik i sound like a teenage girl but its in the middle. It feels like I was in third grade just yesterday lmfao. 6th grade went by SO FAST and I hope 7th grade feels slower. I wanna join the DND club and GSA at my school.. hopefully i can convince my mom to let me join gsa lmfao.

but im overall so excited, I hope at the end of 7th I can hang out with my friends this summer. I want to start skating after i get my NEW board (I have a walmart board from a while ago) but im very happy. 

Im extremely stressed though because I dont think my mom has enough money for school supplies nd we hve to go to the open house too. I rly hope we can go together but I wouldnt be suprised if my dad has to take me.. Im seeing my grandma this weekend! She lives in wisconsin so I dont see her much and I still have to see if my dad has work off so we can go.

I think one of the reasons that I like school so much is because if my mom has always been too busy for me and my dad has always been on and off with things then I wanted to make them proud. Maybe then my mom will finally be able to go to my graduation or school events or things I care about.. maybe..  my mom taught me that being vulnerable with people only get you hurt, and my dad taught me theres no reason to be vulnerable as its just a way for people to use it against you. My entire life I slowly learned aswell that I shouldnt get my hopes up. its taught me to be 'humble.' I mean a lessons a lesson ig. My mom would always promise shed come to things and that this time would be different and then something would come up like my sister being sick or someone at work left for the day so she needed to work. If I push my feelings down and stay put together I will ALWAYS win. 

Nothing hurts me

but I cant feel anything either