asking for merch of my special interests is so embarrassing!!! please help!! >_<

i’m a vocaloid fan, a pretty big one (if you could already tell by my scissorloid megurine luka pfp lol), and i already have a decent amount of merch like some miku posters, a small figure, manga and a t-shirt. i’ve bought all of these at in-person shops, so it was easier to do. i really wanna go all-out soon with more figures, but my #1 goal is to buy a kagamine len plushie! 

i’ve been a HUUUUGEE len fangirl since i got into vocaloid when i was 8 years old, and i planned to buy one even as young as that age, but unfortunately I was too embarrassed/shy to do so </3

but now that i’m much older, this year i want to make that dream come true and stop being a scaredy cat! (＞＜) len has always been a very important character in my life, he has always bought me so much joy helping me grow up and get through tough times in life, especially recently with how my mental health occasionally goes down to the gutter and all. this time, I really want to make it a reality and have a cuddly len to help uplift me! (*'ω'*)

the problem is that asking for merch of my special interests is extremely embarrassing to do!! especially for stuff that is really dear to me!! i’ve always suffered from this no matter the media.  i have to order mine online, but my father is in charge of all online orders in the household, so i always have to go to him to ask for stuff i want online ;  ; ughh i just wish i were allowed to finally do that kind of stuff myself!! （ーー；) 

does anybody have advice on how to get the courage to do such a simple thing? i know it sounds really silly, but unfortunately for me it feels like an incredibly daunting task, and it always has been!! i wish it never turned out this way for me (Ｔ＿Ｔ) also, does anyone go through the same thing??? i hope i’m not alone….