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I am ftm - I don't call myself trans because..idk doesn't feel right. I call myself 'unlabeled',, been calling myself that for years, and I've been really comfy with it!! I like using more masc terms, being seen as a boy, I'm happy that way. Last year, I got into a relationship w a guy. I made it pretty clear I like being called a guy, I like masc terms, and when we started dating he asked me 'do you wanna be my boyfriend" so I figured he was okay with me being ftm. And I mean I made it pretty clear I like being seen as a boy... I mean I literally called myself one, used masc terms for myself, pronouns were literally in my bio everywhere. But after a while kinda just... forgot? At least I thought he did
He'd kinda joke about it, like if there was an ad for product made for ftms he'd ask if I want one - ask me when I'd go on testosterone, which I always told him I don't really want to. I mean, I do wanna make my voice deeper but I don't wanna grow any facial hair or anything. I'd probably just get top surgery and train my voice to be deeper. But even if He'd ask me when I'd go on testosterone, at the same time he'd also ask for me to like... get those pads that make your tits bigger? I'm pretty flat (which is funny bc I was talking abt top surgery earlier but yk, they still bug me lol), but I really couldn't tell if he wanted me to be a boy too, or if he wanted me to be a girl.
I'd cry to him about my dysmorphia, and he told me he'd love me no matter what. Which only confused me even more because... why are you asking me all this?
Then I remember one day, he told me he kinda didn't want me to transition because of trauma he had with someone who was also ftm. I won't say his trauma, that's not my story. But now I just... lost my entire sense of identity. Prior to him, I really thought I was just a guy that likes to dress cute, now I don't even know if I'm a girl or a boy. And there no point explaining what unlabled is to people.
But if someone doesn't want to respect my identity because of their trauma then... what? Brainwash myself into thinking I'm not what I thought I was I guess?? I don't wanna trigger anything for him. I dunnooooo
I'm not dating him anymore technically, but it's kinda..situationship now. If anyone reads this and wonders. Also the same guy mentioned in previous blogs lol
Blehhhhh whatever, listen to reisen udongein inaba's theme lunatic eyes it changed my life, skin clear, hair shiny, fridge stocked
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Comments
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Danny o_0
im ftm and i was in a similar relationship a while ago. my advice is break up. if he doesnt accept a important part of who you are, he just likes the idea of you. my ex destroyed my self esteem and i didnt even realize how bad it was until i got with a guy thats actually decent. changing your identity for a guy is always a terrible idea, but especially when it comes to gender identity and stuff like that. dump his ass. you got this!
Technoblade
Imo a partner should accept who you are no matter of their trauma if they truly love you. Youre in control of your own life and you should prioritise your health whether it's mental or physical! If the situation brought damage to how you think of yourself and gave you many doubts then it just goes to show that- while his traumatic experience is complitely valid- he shouldnt be using it to change you!! That's just not what a person who loves you does!
Technoblade
Imo a partner should accept who you are no matter of their trauma if they truly love you. Youre in control of your own life and you should prioritise your health whether it's mental or physical! If the situation brought damage to how you think of yourself and gave you many doubts then it just goes to show that- while his traumatic experience is complitely valid- he shouldnt be using it to change you!! That's just not what a person who loves you does!
messiahloveslillies
I think you sort of know the answers to your concerns and just want someone to give you the o.k. to leave him (which is fine sometime we need people to reassure us that we’re doing the right thing) in which case you have the approval to go ahead and leave him!! :) someone who’s coming in between you and your transition (given it’s being done in a manner that is physically and mentally safe) should not be a part of your life wether that be a partner, friend, and even at times family, go ahead and call it quits with ur partner
❝ @toxiccboii ❞
I understand people who has gone through trauma. Me, myself have gone through a lot of trauma involving women. But that doesn't mean that if I had a girlfriend I would tell her that like, to be something else or act different, cuz that's something personal. And yea, nasty people can come from anywhere, but it doesn't everyone is going to be like that. So yea, u better dump his ass, and I hope he heals, cuz c'mon it's fucked up.
Gh0ulB0iMas0n
It sucks so much that you're in that situation. I understand that it may hurt to hear something like that, and that is okay! Trauma is a very complex thing, and supporting a partner with their trauma is good, but it's not your responsibility. To add on to that; he knew what he was getting into before you started dating, which makes it weird to me that he took so long to mention his trauma surrounding an FtM partner. You did not know that beforehand; it is not your fault. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, and his inability to do so has cost him a relationship with you.
Take care of yourself, and try not to let it get to you! :]
Chiru
He's an idiot if he wants you to stop being you because of HIS trauma
wannabebassistchic
id pull an uno reverse card. "hey, i dont want you to be a dude (the gender hes comfortable being) anymore, because so many dudes have harassed me and done me dirty
". see how that sounds? trauma should never be a reason to change somebody, trying to change somebody is actually unacceptable.
chant with me: be you, be proud, dump his ass, HE WONT COME AROUND!
Alex_X
dump his ass yesterday. its never gonna work out if he forever sees you as a girl
Erannelle
Boy, that is such bullshit, dump his ass, Cyberangel out.
CatsSpats
Someone else’s trauma is never your responsibility. An unfortunate byproduct of internet culture is that a lot of people think it’s ok to make it someone else’s problem whenever they feel uncomfortable instead of working on themselves. If he truly means that he’ll love you no matter what, then he will put in the effort to work on his trauma. For instance, I’m a cis woman, and my fiancé had some really rough, traumatic experiences with women in the past. He’s been jaded towards all women for a little while as a result. However, he’s made a very strong effort to accept the past, realize that not all women are the same as the ones who hurt him, and move forward with love. Whatever you do, do NOT change yourself for him; this is HIS responsibility, and it’s totally up to you whether you want to stick it out with him or not.
Fanteliss
if he has trauma around it, that is okay, but he can't be using that to make you change how you act for him. nobody should use their trauma as an excuse for inappropriate behaviour or use it as a way of manipulation. they should work it out in their own time.
if he is too disturbed by what has happened to him and you two cant work it out it might be better to find someone else or decide to stay as friends for the time being. overall i think the situation is very nonsensical because it has been made very clear that you use masc terms since the start.
ava
KILL HIM. He does not deserve you. Imagine a man dating a cis woman, but then saying, well into the relatonship "I have trauma with women, I'm not comfortable with you not transitioning." That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it!? It's the same thing. Label or no label
>KILL HIM
bro youre unhinged
by antipatic; ; Report
yes, but am i wrong?
by ava; ; Report
XxMiaMelodramaxX
That’s like if you dyed your hair and they got angry because they had trauma from someone who also dyed their hair once. They’re being crazy ur not the one going insane
LuciLucilia
What they "Nyx" user said is exactly it. I don't know this story or his trauma, and I am frankly pretty skeptical that they're not just trying to manipulate you into not transitioning because they do not want you to, but for argument's sake, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say they really do have trauma.
That still doesn't change anything. If a person is traumatized by a racial minority, I don't think in any world that would justify them being prejudice against said minority. Thats just silly logic (which is why I am really skeptical about this story they're telling you).
If you want to transition, you're both going to be way happier in the long term if you call it off. Either you're just going to hurt you and leave you drained, or you're both going to damage each other because you both haven't gotten to be in harmony.
(PS. You may be able to do a lower dose of T for a period of time that doesn't give you facial hair etc, but does deepen your voice).
Nyx
Do not ever change yourself for a man.
It doesn't matter what HE feels, or what HE wants. What matters is YOU.
Do you want to transition?
Do you want to feel comfortable in your own skin?
Dumb this controlling douchebag immediately, and find someone who actually loves you, for you.
^^^^^
This
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
Vesper Vile
if he doesn't want his partner to transition, he shouldn't try and get with someone he knows is ftm. i also don't see how someone's identity could be related to the trauma or a trigger for it
Johnny!!!
Him asking you not to live your life and to not transition is not okay. Just because he has trauma over someone else’s transition or what not he can’t control you and make you not live your life. By stopping you from being who you are and literally asking you not to transition he’s showing you his true options on your own identity. Trauma or not, he doesn’t get to choose what you do and live like. Talk to him, be gentle but firm, don’t let him tear you down. He already clearly doesn’t respect your identity (such as the kinda forgetting your identity as male in the first place.)
Don’t back down but also be kind about it, trauma is a serious thing but he can’t expect others to bow down to his wishes or THEIR LITERAL LIVES AND MENTAL HEALTH for it.