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3 days ago i started my senior year of highschool and I already fuckinh hate everything. Im exaggerating. But my art teacher pisses me off so much. Shes so nitpicky about evreything. My academic teachers are nice though. I cannot imagine what mental state i would have to be in to fail any of my academics in the future. Art on the other hand….last semester i did get a few failing grades for my art assignments. Cause i either forgot about them or something else. Some assignments are just so dumb and redundant it makes me wanna pulll ny fucking hair out. Then i gotta deal with teachers saying dumb shit during critique like “you didnt use enough color in your artwork” or “you shoulda made this piece bigger” like stfu. Can u say anything useful? Appearantly no. That shits even worse during portfolio review cause the conversation is 1v1. They say the same shit every time PMO PMO PMO PMO PMO!!!!!! Like if u don’t fucking know what ur talking about then thats okay. It’s okay to be stupid. I would know.
Now im being forced to join a scolorship competition thing later in the year. YAY im so fucking excited to be told that my art isnt colorful enough by a bunch of old strangers!!! And then i get to watch basicMcGee (who can even fully render a painting) get a 10,000 dollars in scolotships again. FUCK MY LIFE. I don’t even want to go to art collage istg i am not doing ts again. I wish i could learn physics or astronomy or astrophysics or psychology or robotics or marine biology or SOMETHING BUT IM TOO FUCKING DUMB. Im in the stupid class for algerbra instead of AP statistics. Couldn’t even pass the fucking math SAT. I got 2’s on my AP finals. It’s not even fair i didnt even get a chance. People will tell me “oh then maybe stop cheating on your homework and actually try to learn the shit”. THERES NEVER ENOUGH TIME. I cant learn during class for some reason i can sit and pay attention all day but i cant absorb anything. I cant just sit for 2 hours every night just to learn the material that everyone understands immediately and then ACTUALLY DO the homework about said material for another 2 hours. it’s just not realistic. Im not allowed to be passionate when theres no talent. I CANT JUST LEARN HOW TO PAINT ITS NOT ENOUGH ITS NOT ENOUGH I NEED MORE.
How can i be expected to send collage applications in a few months or years and chose my degree when i am bored of art class (my talent) and want to take science classes (my passions)? How can i go to collage when i cant even count quarters when paying for my food? How am i supposed to do anything?
Should i even allow myself to call science my passion? It’s what excites me at the most at the moment, and art is what bores me now. But it could very much flip in the future. Maybe school is ruining art for Me.
I would say my most long term passion is the graphic novel im writing. Ive been working on it since i was 12 and i wanna publish it someday. I know it’s not that good but i just wanna do it for the fun of it. But i need an education to get a job to make money and to go buy property and buy food and buy clothes. But i need to learn art and science to write my story so that i can be happy.
Whatever.
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Plumbiscuous
Valid crashout, and I totally get it. In grade 9 I took art because I was always told I excelled at it and I loved doing it for fun. I'd always draw and paint on my free time, it was my passion. I tried to take it as a course a few years ago- I've hardly drawn since. Music is another one, too. I took two years of music, now I can't even touch my bass without feeling sick. School is GREAT at putting down anything unique, ESPECIALLY those old mfs that think "real art" is exclusive to hyper realistic portraits from the 1950s. You really can't do anything that stands out without getting a shit grade, even if it matches the criteria perfectly. In my experience, it just boils down to them not understanding it, which therefore makes it too obscure for them to even care about it. I wanted to go into robotics for college and uni, took a couple of glasses last semester, and now I think I'd rather die then go into the engineering field. School doesn't spark passion or love for anything, it just sucks the life out of any enjoyment I once had.
meant classes, lmao
by Plumbiscuous; ; Report
Exactly. It’s fun to be passionate about something when it’s not for a grade. I feel like a lot of educatiors tell us to get jobs in subjects we are passionate about. but once being an artist becomes something you depend on for money, all the joy goes out the window. If that is true then logically I should get a degree that will get me money and not because I’m passionate about it. But idk it feels wrong to do that.
by Mercury; ; Report
Exactly. It’s fun to be passionate about something when it’s not for a grade. I feel like a lot of educatiors tell us to get jobs in subjects we are passionate about. but once being an artist becomes something you depend on for money, all the joy goes out the window. If that is true then logically I should get a degree that will get me money and not because I’m passionate about it. But idk it feels wrong to do that.
by Mercury; ; Report
Exactly, people always say do something you love, but it's just not possible. When it's for grades or money, all of the enjoyment just gets taken from it. Really the only option is to pick something you don't really like, which is stupid. fuck capitalism.
by Plumbiscuous; ; Report
FUCK CAPITALISM
by Mercury; ; Report
FUCK CAPITALISM
by Mercury; ; Report