Fake Pokemon cards will kill me (I'll let them)

This is not the first time fake Pokemon cards have been in my life, they were banned at my old school and i am not entirely innocent in the matter 

(English was banned too tho, sooo)

Recent event in my life that i feel i must share:

In the town where I live at the end of summer there is a sort of “festival” (not good, no funnel cake) and at this festival is some pretty standard stuff. Bumper Cars (awesome) Live Music (ehh) those inflatable balls you climb in and bump eachother (death machines) (lots of bumping i now notice) and last but also least the “scam shops”. Y’know, those wierd tents with all the currently popular stuff but also not the actual stuff cuz it’s all bootlegged. I was at the festival with my friend, it is conveniently located across the street from my house and a short walk from his. (He still took 3 hours to get ready). As we were enjoying the festivities and looking around laughing at these humorous fakes at the shops I spotted something. Gold, shining, begging me to open it. Like pandora’s box or something, I don’t know the story. I paused immediately. It whispered things to me. My younger self’s dreams of training Pokemon, having the best cards and the excitement of opening a new pack. It was a golden pack. Thin plastic folded together in a sweatshop by the fairest of angels (child workers). I was devoured. I needed it. I knew it was bad. But I wasn’t going to be disappointed.

I bought it.

10 bucks. 

This better be good

I sat down with my friend next to me, staring over my shoulder in the same anticipation as me.

Standard procedure. Open it backwards. Last few cards in front. Turn it around.

Me and my friend unpack them. They’re comical. We’re laughing our asses off. The cards are gold. In Spanish with the odd English phrase for no reason. Typos and art you could find on DeviantArt. the fonts were stretched. Moves came with four exclamation marks (!!!!) odd numbers of damage (973) and health points off the chart (99000). 

I’m pulling them one by one. We look at them and laugh. And I keep doing this for four of so cards.

The wildest Pokemon with random names and some having more than five on one cars.

And then…

Neither of us were ready for it.

I pull the next card. 

I start reading the name out loud. 

The first vowel falls from my tongue. 

Then a consonant.

Another vowel. 

Then, the instant I realise what I’m reading, I double over shrieking. 

It read:

IRON MAN & SCIZOR

My friend breaks the sound barrier. 

We pulled fucking Iron Man on a Pokemon card. We can’t stop for a good minute. Fucking Iron Man. He’s gold, his hands are guns, his moves are Vengadores de acero, Repulsor Slash and GX en el borde del Sangrado.

I spent 10 bucks on this pack and I love more than any real Pokemon card I could ever have.