Vent

Summary: My mono fiancé is acting more poly than me (I am actually poly).

I’m poly and pan, my pattern claims he is mono and straight. But I’ve looked through his phone a few times (with and without him knowing) and he’s messaging other people both girls and boys trying to start romantic relationships with them, sending pics of himself (not inappropriately) and role playing with them (inappropriately). I told him how it makes me feel and he ignores me. About a month ago (late July) he said he l stopped, he doesn’t do those things anymore, and that he doesn’t even want female friends. I believed him but then a few days later I found out he hadn’t stopped! So I just told him that he can do whatever he wants and that I didn’t care anymore.

About a week ago (first week of August or something) he went to New Jersey for Summer Slam with one of his guy friends. After that was over they went to New York City to see the animatronics at Chuck E. Cheese’s (we don’t have one near us anymore).  

He spent the night last night (don’t tell my mom 🤫) and this morning I decided to go through his phone again because I didn’t fully trust him. I found in one of his messenger accounts (he has 3) that he was messaging someone for a few months now (since like June) and he was doing the things he said he would stop doing. He even told her that she was really pretty, “like my type”. I know his type, and I don’t fit into it. He messaged her saying that he was going to New York and hoping that they would see each other. She left him on read and responded too late when he was already home. Anyways, I looked at her profile and it says that she lives in New York, Florida.

I’m very loyal to him and respect his feelings. A few months ago, he said that he didn’t like it that I followed so many boys on Insta (I grew up with mostly brothers and everything revolved around them, they’re friends were always over at my house while my sister and I couldn’t have friends over or go anywhere, my brothers friends became second family) so without any hesitation I removed the boys from my following AND followers. The only boys I follow are him, my family (not even all of them just like 3) and his best friend who was actually my friend first (I lost a lot of friends because he didn’t want me having the same friends as him even though we were in the same friend group in middle/highschool). 

I don’t want to leave him, he’s been my best friend for 5 years, we dated on and off, and we’ve been engaged since October 2nd, 2024.