I saw The Ocean.

8/14/25: I saw The Ocean.

The world is dark. Sluggish movements and rotting eyes can't exactly see clearly.

But I still woke up with the feeling of touching the sun once more. The early mornings hide the sun just enough to where it's perfectly comfortable. 

Where does a dead girl go during times of needing sunlight?

I didn't know where my destination would take me. No matter where I go it always seemed like I never fit in. Humans deem the term ‘normal’ common, when in reality nothing is normal, the world simply judges what they see ‘weird’. That's unfair, and is the exact reason you all are dead as much as I am.

The sand felt cold, and the sky was a perfect blue. The breeze was gentle on my skin. Wasn't the skin always supposed to be touched with gentle winds? Feeling this almost felt natural for a rotten girl like me.

I think all I've ever truly wanted in life was to belong. Does anyone even care that my brain is slipping a bit out of my nose? No one pays attention, so I should do what I want and what I always wanted to do. 

I get intimidated by the people I want to talk to the most. I fear they will get sick of my rambling and push me away, forget about me, never valuing me for who I am after getting to know me. I've learned that it isn't people that are not trust worthy, it's that I should put a little bit more faith into others. My fear of abandonment becomes irrational. Fearing getting my clothes wet in the warm water is an irrational fear too, so why do I hesitate? 

The ocean welcomes me to become one. Drifting into the warm blue I become enveloped into a mass of water. I disappear and I never see the sky again.

I'm alone, but that's okay.

I'm drifting, but that's okay.

It's okay because I know the value of an Angel like me. I've been kicked out from the heavens for not fitting in, and I still find ways to accept myself.

I know I won't be alone down here forever, because I know the way out this ocean.

So where do I fit in?

That's the question I ask myself. Whenever I question something, I skip and come back to it later. My focus is too busy on the part of becoming one with society, when I’d rather be focused on how the water feels splashing against me.

That's a nicer feeling, I think.

I'm slowly losing myself in this dark sea of blue, finding the comfort of being alone just for this moment. Sometimes I wonder if I were to truly disappear and be a bloated zombie corpse in these waters, will they accept me as one when I dissolve? Will I truly be able to escape?

It's okay, because I know the way out this ocean.