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Im a Fucking mess (if it wasn't already apparent). Ive disappointed and let down everyone in my life who tried to help me. Im 6 months away from being a goddamn adult, But all i spend my time doing is laying in my fucking bed, using the computer or crying instead of working or being responsible in anyway.
iv'e tried so hard to get back on my feet but i just keep failing.
everyone i knew actually Grew up and decided to do shit with their lives, they actually have friends,healthy relationships and are somewhat successful pursing their dreams. Me on the other hand mentally im still the same immature and disgusting 14 year old prick who's still "figuring things out". The only thing that's changed is that im a shut in now and am completely and utterly alone. (i also look even more like shit now Yayyyyy!!!)
I never even planned on living this long but at least i had a reason to live back then. Now i have nothing other than a version of myself i hate and long lost memories of happiness. yesterday i even tried to cut myself but i couldn't even get enough pressure to draw blood. how fucking pathetic is that? Im scared of death, but im even more terrified of living as a Pathetic shell of a person. Maybe if i find a way that's fast and doesn't cause a lot of pain i can leave. even then ill probably still cling to life somehow.
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englisch ist mein lieblingsfach
sh might feel good in the moment but it's just a bad habit that can easily spiral out of control. it's also dangerous (duh but still)
you're still young. you won't have everything figured out, and that's okay. don't beat yourself up about it. everyone's going at their own pace and it's normal at this age to feel behind.
you are not pathetic! you say you keep trying and failing, right? that right there shows how just how strong you are. i mean, who wants to keep trying when all they get is the same result, over and over again? someone committed. people who don't believe, don't apply themselves. but you, my friend, you believe. deep down, you know that you can find your way out of this mess. as long as you're still breathing, it's not over yet. i'm glad you're here (as insignificant as my feelings are, man. just know that someone appreciates you)
Nina
Don’t worry , don’t blame yourself for being like that, you never wanted to be like that and it’s normal to think and feel like this , cutting ourself is really great in the moment but you’ll regret it after , try to find other solution to calm your pain and anger. Hope everything will go well for you, i hope you the best and don’t forget to smile!!🫶🏻