[NOW IN 4K!] 5¹² more minutes? / ONE MORE LEFT!! (Definitive Edition) (Remastered)

[!WARNING! - DISTURBANCES IN SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM DETECTED WITHIN THIS POST! - !WARNING!]

hi, spacehey of denizens.

as we speak, i was once in the seat of an SUV feeling my knees be uncomfortably squished behind the backing of a seat, but am now lying in my bed while i write this jostled mess of vowels and consonants in a mad dash to beat both Father Time AND Mr. Sandman at the same time (no homo).
earlier today, i was dragged to hang out with my family because they somehow wanted me there. 

in return i got free food, a cherry slushie, a chance to trot through an arcade, and a shitty climbing sky obstacle course that showed me i could totally pull up my own weight, but hurt my hands and arms in the process. interesting.

but that's besides the point. i made a promise to you, dear reader, in the bulletin i posted (i hope it sticks out like a sore thumb; i seldom post them!): at SOME POINT i would make that accursed school post.

it is 11:42 PM.

i still have time.

such an idea is so crazy, it just might work.*

the past three school days have been eventful, to say the least. math reminded me that i will Always hate its classes No Matter How Nice the teacher is. government went the exact opposite way i figured it would (and actually feels like a pleasant class for right now), personal finance made me have an existential crisis about my goals (plus its teacher makes me want to rip my hair out), theatre made me UNGODLY happy and reassured at the same time somehow (classic peak theatre activities fr), chemistry made me anxious, particularly because i got lost on the first day while it was practically staring me dead in the face, and thought someone was talking to me and handing something to me when they were in fact, not. actually wanted to [[Throw Myself Into A River]] during both of those events. in other news, english made me feel the exact opposite way about my goals (as well as really stimmy), and study hall was... quiet.

and despite the horrid no-phone law that practically eliminates me being able to journal and/or listen to music to keep myself contained, two of those seven classes allow me to have my phone out because the teachers are actually people who GET IT. and no, i'm not a phone-crazed brainrotted gooner weirdo, i merely just want my music and my journaling app full of crazed ranting and sobbing alike. that's all i want.

now, you may find it funny (or relatable), but i found myself feeling as if i couldn't go on after thursday evening. others would agree with me, even if thursday was only my second day. but trust me, the week before that fateful Wednesday i was absolutely not having it. i was stressed at first, then i was sobbing into a recording about something nearly unrelated, then i was typing several paragraphs of rants about how deeply i didn't want to go back.

the first day back, however, was unbelievably tame. a little lonely at times, but it's always like that--i actually felt somewhat okay when i got home.
but here's the kicker. i crashed not too long after. the night earlier, i didn't have plans to stay up but i ended up doing so after having to.. take care of a bug problem. i don't wanna go over the specifics, but it was nerve-wracking and i ended up staying up until 12-1AM. i'm inclined to believe that fucked my sleep schedule, because every afternoon at about 3-5PM, i crash really badly (i've experienced it before). this happened for the past three days, but due to my family coming over, i managed to stay up. 

as i type this right now, it's now NEXT tuesday. my sleeping pattern only grows more erratic little by little, and i've never wanted people to get out of my house more than i have this week. school hasn't really been that eventful. theatre's continued to make me excited and in an overall good mood, and so has chemistry (sorta). i just genuinely am... so tired right now because school Just started and it's tiring having to deal with family right off the bat too. i'm starting to think it's in tune with likely depression symptoms, i started getting really bad fatigue during the summer (hence the lack of motivation to post) and now, i find myself waking up at 1am at random right after i've laid down after a particularly tiring day, and then taking about an hour to go back to sleep.

i end this post here. if there's much else i need to talk about regarding school, i'll make another post.

this was a stupid idea (it was not, a lot of shit just came up) and i hate myself for it (i do not, i'm not in a good headspace as i type this and am Also tired, just taking it out on myself).

*P.S. -- the idea was fucking insane, and hardly worked at all. hubris did NOT save my ass this time (in fact it threw me under the bus!)