Straight To The Point, No Intro

firstly, I'd like to say I am sorry, because I know for a fact that the person this is about will definitely read this.

So, I recently got to know someone. Someone who actually had contact with my now coworkers back in school. He's sweet, very much so. Politically definitely on the good side and in itself very..."innocent" (for a lack of a better word). 

We don't know each other long, a little over a week if I remember correctly (at the time I am writing this). Now, I am a very open person, as most people know. I get along with almost anyone. And I am a very romantic person.

However, that does not mean that I will or CAN fall in love with just anyone who seems to have the same world view. He is a yearner, thats for sure. And I am one hundred percent sure he will make a girl incredibly happy at some point. But I, unfortunately, do not think that will be me. 

Despite the confession of a crush on his behalf.

Maybe exactly because of such a fast development of feelings. 

It's very weird that I am so sure this will not work, some might think. In it's essence everything should fit, right? 

I think...it's this childish innocence specifically. We even talked about the fact that I am often percieved as much older than I am, and he as much younger. This type of behaviour is cute, that's for sure. But simply not something I can handle in a relationship...in a friendship? For sure, but as a partner? Not so much.

Because I am not fond of kids...or any type of childish behaviour. Falling in "love" this hard, this fast is also often associated with Immaturity (Unfortunately). 

I, on the other hand, need so, so, so, SO much time to begin to fully trust someone and even PONDER if a relationship might work, no matter how much I MYSELF yearn for a romantic relationship. And no matter how much it seems that I trust you. No matter how much you think you already know me, the only thing you can be sure of is that you do NOT. It's truly hard to explain, but I have learned to listen to my gut feeling. It's telling me that this won't work out. I have already been someone's sole source of "happiness" before, and I just can not carry that burden (or resposibility) again. 

So, I am sorry dear, but I do not think we will end up being a match.

However, you were the first to give me flowers(which I will hang on my wall to dry as promised). You were the first to pull out a chair at our table for me to sit, and you were the first to actually ask me about what I like and what I am interested in.

All of those thing I treasure immensely. And again, I am sure you will make a girl unbelieveably happy some day. But you need to save these things for the right one. And you need to prioritze yourself and your safety first, if I may be so direct. Do things because you think they are right, not because someone else mentioned it some time.

But I'd love to stay friends, as I have already told you from the very get go.

It is incredibly frustrating, I know. It seem so incredibly selfish and arrogant to complain blog after blog about being treated badly and how much I crave romantic love at times. But I can not bring myself to just take anyone, even if interest is being shown. Because you can not force something like this; It will crash and burn if you do. And the last thing I want is to hurt someone by accident, or waste anyones time. You don't deserve that.

It is cowardly to express this here, like this. But it is genuinely easier this way. Not only in english, but also on this blog which I have stated multiple times on is NOT a safe space and will mention people and things about said people in my life.

A  small-ish festival in Eschwege, Germany. A festival with a very dedicated visitor base, regardless of lineup. A festival with a very specific vibe and very interesting practices.

A festival where I was at this year. 

Tumblr saw it first, but here are the notes I took during the festival:

- Small child got passed around (crowd surfed) on a big flamingo floatie

- Someone got injured in a moshpit...at Raum27's gig...That's an indie pop band.

- Darude Sandstorm being followed by dear maria count me in and THEN welcome to the black parade (during the evening DJ set...right in front of our tent)

(we really didn't pick the best spot for sleeping)

- "where is my spoon...:(" in the saddest tone ever on Thursday morning

- Helgaa camping equipment coming in clutch because it got so much fucking colder than expected at night.

- Oh my god there was coconut thai curry the day is saved

- Security being goofy, having fun and joking around with visitors

- Afterparty DJ in front of our tent playing the most EMO SHIT ever. Literally stuff from punk goes Pop ffs

- Coffee against festival constipation TM

- The absolute luxury of being able to go into the city and have breakfast at a Café 

The festival was literally located inside the city of Eschwege

- Yungbluds embarrasing attempts to motivate the crowd...poor guy really had bad luck, just not his clienté there. 

- My skin did NOT like this whole ordeal at ALL

- Royal Republic won me over (also damn the singer is hot) (and wtf do you mean they are from sweden, they sound american as hell)

- Three dudes butt-ass-naked Saturday morning at the open water hose on camp "showering", Dicks out and all

- In general I've seen way too many dicks against my will during those 4 days. open urinals be damned.

- Shuttle bus to the festival grounds -> Top tier

- Being bit by ants...twice

- Too lazy to use the gas cooker so we just kept buying food. We got a tad bit TOO comfortable me thinks.

- Somehow I aquired like three times more festival bracelets than I had before even just from this one single festival???

- crowds have a serious problem with not clapping. Especially bigger crowds and on festivals I've noticed. It's disheartening to see and makes me incredibly mad. Are you "too cool" to clap for a band you CAME to see???

- Don't go to a festival with non-festival-goers. I have made that mistake TWICE now.

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And by my own damn heart if I am being told tomorrow that I can not take something of my already small belongins with me because it "takes up too much space" I will stay the fuck home. No compromises. You have my word.

I guess I will update this once the trip is over. Either tomorrow or in round about 9 days. Whichever fate decides it will be.

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