Ranting about loneliness

I have no idea if anyone’s gonna read this, but I can’t be the only one who just feel really lonely sometimes… like I got lots of friends and all, but I never really feel like number 1 to any… I feel guilty, but I often find myself dreaming about the dream best friend, someone my age who’s have the exact same interests as me, same values, same everything… someone who would love me regardless of all my flaws, thought it really just feels like a distant dream at this point. My fear of people hasn’t really gotten better over the years, so I usually just end up projecting this image of a perfect friend to one of my current friends, which just makes me feel worse honestly, a mix of being scared to push them away and knowing the idea of them in my head isn’t real… it’s a horrible thing to do honestly, idk what’s wrong with me. I think I just get jealous… I see these people having what I want, but I don’t know what to do with msyelf… whatever I don’t have time to finish this now, just needed to get it all off my chest