book club with maria: week 1 of rouge by mona awad

my best friend and i picked up rouge by mona awad to read and discuss together! each week we've decided to give ourselves five or so chapters to indulge in before regrouping. i just finished the first five and i'm thinking we may have to add a chapter or two into our scheduled program. is it because they're too short? or too addictive? i can't decide. 

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

anyways, i need to lay out my thoughts so far. i am by no means any valid critic of prose, plot, and beyond. i like what i like and hate what i don't. my justifications for why i land somewhere on this spectrum of opinion is also simple: because i just do. that is me trying to forewarn possible readers that my opinions may differ from yours, not necessarily because our interpretations are widely different, but rather i just have my own tastes. 

now... rouge. rouge, rouge, rouge. this is a book i've seen bustling around reading communities for a while now. have i been let down by these communities in the past? yes, actually i would say 90% of the time i have. (shout out to that one random stranger that recommended me the mirror visitor four years ago, that changed my life and i'm not talking about you). but from my brief time with belle, her mum, and whoever that ghost of a lady hanging over the balcony was, i feel like mona's story is going to stain my memory like the red lips of her mannequins.

i have this feeling that my talks surrounding the book will be more emotionally charged than critical because of how the plot and characters mimic my own life to a certain extent. the prologue was haunting and had me a bit startled to be honest. "do you remember?", "don't you remember?", repeated over and over to belle from belle is nauseating. we're put in the body, or rather a memory, of belle as a child. a moment had with her and her mum just before bed. the innocence of the question "what story would you like to read" just before bed is quickly shattered and replaced with this ominous presence radiating from belle's mum and, of course, belles deeply rooted insecurities at such a young age voiced to us readers. as the mum tells the tale of the beautiful princess for the millionth time, as it is only what belle wants to hear, the simple folktale starts to twist into some weird and unsettling forewarning noelle (belle's mum) seems to be giving her daughter. belle envies her mum's beauty, and it seems noelle envies belle's youth. this weird peak into the memories belle has from her mum leaves me to feel noelle is anything but maternal. rather the "love" she gives her daughter seems to be coming from somewhere less innocent than pure adoration of who belle is as a person, but more so adoration of what she created. or maybe noelle and belle's relationship is too much for me too handle (mummy issues from a girl that adores her mum). 

the chapters following this throw us into the present day perspective of belle, and we actually land at her locked in a bathroom at her mum's funeral watching skincare videos (real). now, its already revealed to us that noelle's life ended in a not so innocent way (the revealed cult). she may (as i can only know five chapters in) have truly fallen on accident, but knowing that the last years of her life were her descending into what could be seen as madness, i'm nervous to see how belle will confront this mysterious lady seen at the funeral that i believe will ultimately be the leader of this super fucked spa. but that's me jumping too far. there is not enough story to meaningfully engage with the plot at this point and to do so would be pulling at straws. i have however been briefly exposed to some characters.

belle, babe, you are too self-aware and you probably know this yourself. you also know that life is fragile, hell your mum was alive one day and dead the next. yet you remind me of myself in that you continue the things you do even if they are futile. you could probably rationalize your way out of these destructive patterns, but why? if we're all going to die then does feigning ignorance to eventual decay really harm anyone? (yes, belle, you.) mona does not make belle flat by making her numb to her surroundings, and that is a true talent. belle is suffocated by all these thoughts as she never acts upon them, never says what she truly means. but for belle, to be honest would be too taxing, even more suffocating. how easy is it to tell others what they want to hear, to hold back? its not, it eats away eventually and i'm sure belle notices that now more than ever with her mum gone, but it is simpler. this habit, developed through the desperate need to be seen by her mum, has now become a way of life. and i'm sure as we begin to unravel her mums death this habit will shatter too. i have a feeling the stress she is about to take on is going to leave a wrinkle or two and by then all hell will break loose. maybe a couple of lines might be the one thing that pushes her to speak her mind for once.  

i have much more to say, especially about belle, but its almost midnight and i feel like continuing right now will leave me rambling like noelle (ha ha). i didn't and will not read this over, so maybe i already do sound like jibberish. oh well, for those who have read it you'll get the gist. i think next week i'll give my thoughts on noelle and the hopeful development of rouge's plot. 

libbydaley