missing the loml

I still love you. You don’t understand how much I love you. If only I could hold your hand one more time or even hear your voice again. I would trade anything in the world for it. If I could see your smile or hear your laugh one last time I would do anything for it if only we could still talk as we used to pack that if only I could still call you mine . I love you. I really do every time. Someone says your voice. My heart hurts a little bit more every time I see your name my mind goes through up at memories together but it’s late at night. I hear your voice. I see your smile stuck in my memories. I know you have a girlfriend now and I’m so grateful. I’m happy for you and I hope she loves you just as much as I do. I hope she loves you more than I do which is impossible but I hope she cares about you. I hope she doesn’t make you bad. I hope she’s kind. I hope she treats you well I’m sorry if I was a take back with them and I still probably am but not a day passes one. I don’t think of you no matter where I am. I still love you. I won’t ever stop loving you and I’m sorry if I’m a burden but I truly just miss you and I love you. I truly love you yuan. I fucked up and I just want to be w him again, not even romantically just to be by his side is enough. I don’t want what’s in the movies I just want to be in his life, to be near him, or even someone he can call his friend. I don’t want to just be in his old memories but to be someone in his life “current tense”. It’s not that I want to be a burden by him forever, i just need him in my life. I don’t want anyone else to hold (I just want him.) I want to hold his hand, make him laugh, or even make him happy. We ended off on good terms but is good terms all I really wanted. Did I want to be smth more? he was the best person that entered my life I still remember meeting him at first glance, thinking that i wouldn’t like him, little did I know I’m here now still crying over a guy who probably doesn’t even care abt me. He was so sweet and is one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met, being kind to everyone and loving his community, being good in every aspect but never “the best” I love him so much and I would have never traded our time together for anything else. Even back in 2022 I was inlove with the same sweet guy, the one who gave me his jacket in the rain,the one who shared food and pillows with me,THE ONE WHO CHERISHED ME AT MY LOWEST. I’ve never been so down bad and lovestruck by someone regardless of time. I just wish I could have held him longer,loved him more and maybe even embraced his presence longer. I'm thinking about whether or not I should confess to my crush, he's at Melbourne now but I can see him next year. my friends ships us together and everybody does too. it all started at a normal lunch break, he joined us and we shared stories together too. we played duck duck goose and he kept on tagging me which was really fun. soon after when we had swimming week, in the bus I needed to fix my hair so I fixed it and a few people saw, but when he saw my hair,  he said "thought you had brown hair" and we laughed it off. two weeks after that incident, community singing night came and like the cliche lyrics of Conan grey the "I still remember third of December me in your sweater you said it looked better on me than it did on you, and only if you knew how much I liked you, but I watched your eyes and she walked by" it was raining and was pretty cold, when i mentioned it was cold he gave me his flannel while the girl next to us complained why he didnt give it to her. i could feel an audible blush on my face when our hands were next to eachothers and he told me " it looked good on me". we shared a few fun moments similar to this when we sat next to eachother in class, and when we talked a lot  during our literary assignments, sharing pens and laughing and laughing together. once, he gave me matcha cake that his siter made for him and we ended up talking all alone in our classroom, no one else but us together.or that time when we had movies we sat next to eachother and he gave me his pillow. small moments like these would make my day and I regret not confessing on the last day of school due to the fact that we're splitting classes. i also miss him talking to me about tv shows like lookism and his relationships with his friends and family. Thank you for being my first real love You were everything to me.I miss talking to you, i wish i couldve communicated with you more, maybe if things were different i could be closer to you, if only i could talk to you as it was back then, if only i could express my feelings to him better.