scared of returning

going back to college on the 15th and i just feel so stuck. ive been at home since march and ive done essentially nothing the entire time. i dont have any motivation to do much of anything at all. i just feel. stuck.

im scared that i'll not be able to function as an adult alone. everything is so dependant on my mental state, and it feels like i dont have control over myself. my perception of reality changes so rapidly from one side to another, and i forget things so frequently. i feel like im going off of something so unreliable when it comes to interacting with this world. 

i dont feel rational. i hate it