I TURNED INTO A MARTIAN

Talking with a friend, we touched on the Misfits theme, including the song "I Turned Into a Martian," obviously one of my favorite Misfits songs, honestly. If you haven't heard it, I recommend it.

Anyway, the fact is that I don't just like it for the rhythm, but I also identify with the lyrics. Now that I've listened to it more closely, I think maybe it's just me projecting my thoughts, and the song doesn't really speak to what I think. But I still like performing songs.

In this case, I like the phrase "I turned into a Martian" as a way of saying that, in a way, you stop being yourself for a moment and literally feel like a being who isn't from this earth.

I know I'm not the only one who suddenly gets anxious just by being in a public place surrounded by people. It's been several times that I've gone to the mall, supermarket, stores, cafeterias, my own school, or any damn place with people, and suddenly from one moment to the next I feel like I've forgotten how to walk, how to look, how to move my arms, how to act or what you do, not in the sense of paralysis or that they stop working, I just don't feel like I'm doing it right, even things like my face, my body, my clothes, I don't know, that's where I feel the connection with the song, just out of nowhere it's as if those thoughts possess my mind, I feel like everyone is looking at me strangely and that everyone is thinking something about me. As a result, I start trying to act normal. I try to walk “normally,” have a “normal” posture, move my arms “normally,” walk even though I don’t know where I’m going because if I stand there like an idiot in the middle of everything, people would think I’m lost or paralyzed. But by trying to act “normal,” I just end up acting weird, which just makes me feel even more uncomfortable around myself. It’s like a Martian trying to pretend to be human but only ends up making it even more obvious that he doesn’t know how to be one. That’s what I mean. One time I went with my mom to a store, while she was busy with some customer service I went to look at the clothing section to waste time, when I got there I simply didn't know what to do, I didn't like anything, but in order not to look like someone lost I started pretending that I was interested in the clothes, I looked at them one by one even though I didn't even pay attention to them, when I turned around the section I ran into the manager there, you know, the one that helps you with sizes and stuff, but the truth is I get really uncomfortable having those people around, they always ask you if you're interested in something, if you're looking for something specific, things like that, so to avoid talking to him I simply did a 180 degree turn and went back the way I came, but when I turned around I found the security guard looking at me, that's when I felt like my body was betraying me, I didn't remember how to walk like a normal person, how to act, how to speak, suddenly I thought that for sure the guard thought I was lost, had stolen something, was scared, or anything else stupid, so to cover up I went straight to the bathroom where no one could see me (even though I didn't even need to go), but once inside I ran into a guy, so I thought the guy was probably thinking "this kid went into the bathroom without needing to use it?" So to avoid that I went to the urinal and started pretending to pee, but obviously I wasn't because I clearly couldn't hear the pee stream, that's when I imagined how stupid I looked, the guy was probably thinking "this kid went into the bathroom just to pretend to pee?" In the end I couldn't take it anymore and ended up going to where my mom was and stayed by her side the whole time. 

I don't know if I strayed too far from the topic or if what I said is even relevant, but what I wanted to get at was that sometimes I forget how to act in public or I just feel like I look too weird and I try to act normal but I only look even weirder, as if I suddenly turned into a Martian, trying to pretend to be a normal human, and this feeling gets worse when you meet people who know you from somewhere, whether it's from school or through a friend, or you meet groups of guys.