So.... My friend "stole" the scholarship I was working for

I'm just a few days away from starting my second-to-last semester of high school, which means I should start searching for and applying to colleges this semester.

Since I was in sixth grade, my mom has been pressuring me to decide what major I'm going to study and to find a university abroad, where I must get a 100% scholarship.

I live in Mexico. I'm almost 17 years old, and for now, I think I'll decide to study psychology. My mom has always dreamed of me leaving the country to study, not as an exchange student, but rather to be accepted and receive a full scholarship at a foreign university, specifically in the US, since we're on the border.

I'm an excellent student, but I still doubt I'll be able to get a full scholarship to a foreign university. Added to that, I stopped believing in the "American Dream" more than three years ago. I don't hate the US, but I definitely don't want to live there.

That's why I looked for alternative scholarships to study abroad. I found one in Toronto, Canada, the Lester B Scholarship. All my friends knew about it. I mentioned it a lot when I talked about college plans and when I complained about my mom pressuring me to leave the country.

And it wasn't until last week that I went out with my friends. We were all talking about how we should start preparing for college right away. One of them, let's call her M, mentioned that if everything went well for her, she'd just have to take the TOEFL. We all asked what university she planned to go to, and she answered Toronto, Canada, with the Lester B Scholarship.

My best friend immediately said that was the scholarship I was planning to pursue, to which M replied that she didn't know. The thing about the Lester B scholarship is that high schools can only apply for one student per year. M and I are in the same high school, and she had already submitted her paperwork to apply for the scholarship.

I don't remember how I felt at the time. I think I was mostly anxious, a little disappointed, and a little bit like crying, which didn't last long.

The truth is, I don't know how to feel about it. I highly doubt she didn't know I was going for that scholarship, because if we were never in the same classroom, we've been seeing each other every recess for almost three years. I think I should have mentioned it at least once.

I don't want to blame her or get angry, because so far she's sent me links to scholarships here in Mexico. However, I can't help but feel... uncomfortable. Not with her, or I don't know, I just feel weird.

I feel guilty and stupid for not having applied for the scholarship sooner, and I know that when my mom finds out, she'll give me the scolding of my life. It's weird because studying abroad isn't a passionate dream of mine. While I'm not bothered by the idea and I want to work hard, it's never been something I've dreamed about since I was a child. It was always more my mom's wish. And I know full well that it's always been my mom's request rather than mine, but it still hurts to know that because of some stupidity, I won't even be able to participate, especially since it was a close friend of mine.

Obviously, I'm going to lie to my mom and tell her that I have no idea who the person who applied before me was. I don't want her to make me stop talking to my friend, and I don't hold any resentment against her, it's just... weird.

Anyway, I'm only sharing this because I wanted to talk about it, but I feel like I can't fully share it with my friends because they're all also M's friends. I don't want to create conflict between us, much less, and I know this is mostly my fault.

I just wanted to share my situation. I guess I'll have to look for more scholarships abroad or just stay here. It's not something that bothers me, but I liked, even if it was just a little, having a clear goal to achieve and work toward.