Moving out

I moved out. How crazy is that?

It was all in a rush and quite  the most stressful process I've yet gone through but I somehow managed to pack my whole life in a couple of boxes. I don't even live somewhere I planned to at first and my situation is still so brittle and uncertain, but I feel like a new person.

Honestly I'm just glad to be away from my family. Far enough for me to heal and actually find myself you know? I've been quite isolated and now it's like I'm 'waking' up to myself again, having to figure out who I am, what's my personality like etc. 

I feel like I have to separate myself from the image my family has made of me, and remind myself that I'm fine. That I'm still young and learning, that this is my life after all. That it's okay for me to have my own views and opinions and ways of life, and that now is the right time to explore and think about all that.

I also hope my family has time to reflect and heal and that someday we can get close again. It's just such an intensive inner battle to learn to forgive and forget.. 

For the moment tho, I'm quite happy. Nervous too (mainly about my studies), but there's never a moment where I doubt it'll all be fine in the end. I'm also so grateful and lucky to have a good support system around me, I know that's not the case for everyone.

Yes, it's still awkward to be me. Yes, I struggle, fail, make mistakes, get so so embarrassed sometimes. Yes, I can still feel like somehow I've done something wrong, or that everyone's paying so much attention to me, like they can see all my flaws. Still, I have no choice but push through. Time will pass whatever I do, depressed or not. So I guess in a way, this chapter of my life will be about how to cope with life and being independent and alive despite everything.

I suppose by writing all this I want to communicate that things really can get better and WILL, if you want them to. For me, the process wasn't easy or fun at all.. it still isn't quite perfect, but I see it as a small period of torture for many more of joy and independence. I'm not saying anything new there, but really, I've had such low, horrible moments and thoughts for so long now, that it's like a whole new world opening up. 

Anyways, I really wish all of you a good rest of your day! Keep pushing through, because it's worth it!