I only have about 2 years left to live.

I'm gonna die before I turn 30. Today I turn 27 and so far I have spent my morning crying on my way to work as I know I am supposed to already be dead but I have outlived my 1st expiration date by 10 years as of today and now I only have 2 more to go. 

No I don't have cancer or anything like that. No my incurable illness wont kill me, just make me wish I was dead. A lot of people live with this thing but I refuse to live with it forever. My life is already hard enough with where I live + who I am (LGBTQ+ in the Bible Belt), I don't want to also live with a disability that doesn't disable me enough to be on disability (even though that doesn't pay enough to live on), but makes it almost impossible to live a semi-normal life. 

I mean I also don't really think the world is even going to be here that much longer and I don't want to live through the "End Times" whatever that might be. 

Is this depressing, yeah but have you seen the state of the world lately. I mean who wants to live through all this shit. I'm stuck watching the second coming of Hilter but with a negative IQ take out and destroy where I live while everyone I know and love will eventually be hunted for sport and I will be turned into a fucking incubator (see the Georgia's brain dead incubator summer of 2025). I refuse to live in this dystopian nightmare. I am not the main character, I am one of the throw away stats that is read at the beginning newscast while the opening credits roll. 

And yes I already have a few ways of dying researched that are painless. The only reason I didn't die as a kid was cause I was too much of a pussy to go through with any painful ways to die. This has been fixed and no I'm not going to give advice to others on how to have a painless death. Do the research yourself, it'll prove whether or not you're serious about wanting to die or just wanting an out. There are plenty of ways to get out, and I can try to help with that but no promises.

It is a strange feeling knowing when you are going to die. It's kinda freeing and terrifying. But I at least don't have the burden of planning for the future or getting my credit score up cause I'll be dead before I have to pay back any of my loans. It's so fucking funny that I can just do whatever I want with no longer term consequences. I was thinking of taking out a huge loan when I get closer to my death date so I can go and do whatever I want with out having to worry about whatever happpens after you run out of money. 

I guess if you have any questions or whatever I'll answer if I can.