thought i was done

I've been writing demos since 2023, shortly after I finished recording my last CD ACT NATURAL. 

Guess the muse knew that that album wasn't going to do well, huh?

Most musicians do not like me because I am constantly writing/re-writing, experimenting. They are more focused on the commercial aspects of music, which is basically "I need to be famous." Yeah fine, I get that, was the same way myself. But I wanted fame on my terms. And then realized that fame is not all that it's cracked up to be.

I'd rather be a successful working musician. Think I'm doing a good job of it.

But back to the demos...

The first batch of music I wrote was pretty angry stuff. I always say that I write what feels good. And truthfully, I couldn't even listen to those demos. So what makes me think someone else will enjoy the songs? Out they go.

More demos ensued. More ideas flowed out of me. Then I hit a point where the faucet shut off. Okay, I thought...now find a drummer and bassist. No such luck. Totally ghosted by guys who exclaimed "I would LOVE to play on your next album." The idea for them is attractive but let's be real: most musicians like to hide behind other peoples' works. Just because someone has talent doesn't mean they're creative.

Pretty recently, I started writing again. Music that's really clicking with me. Hadn't felt this good about my own material in a while. I'm not so full of myself that I think my stuff's the greatest. But it is music that has been making my arm hairs stand at attention and stay there. Normally I come up with an idea, record it, listen once, and put it away. Now I catch myself listening to a demo five, six, even ten times. HUH? What gives?

I am enjoying the creative process again. Been a while, hasn't it? My last cd was two years ago and honestly I distanced myself from it the second I laid down the last note. I like the album but not really. It's not my worst album but not one I enjoy talking about. 

The new material has more LIFE to it, doesn't sound pissed-off. My music has always been direct and in-your-face, which either inspires or scares people. So what do I do now? 

I am not chasing drummers and bass players anymore. Too old for that crap. Either they find me or I buy EZ Drummer and do another album by myself like I did with LAYERS OF TIME.

After all, I wrote the damn songs, right?