uhm... Splatoon lore explained throughout 2 days and like 4-6 hours(??)

i tired to type this before but it deleted my like 1 hour of work-

so now, i present, 

THE SPLATOON LORE BUT I LWK SUCK AT WRITING!!!

so, we start in a world where ww3,4,and 5 (?) happened, the cold place (that's spelled somehow like Antartica??) was bombed and now is GONE, the tides are rising, a scientist has the option to make his cat named Judd, make him immortal and put him in a frozen sleep, or save the humans. (Ofc, he picked the cat).

 A few humans survived

1. Alterna 

2. uhm, space ship thing with a bear on board

3. some place underground.

everyone on the spaceship DIED besides one creature

the underground didnt work for long

alterna lasted a while, but after the 2nd gen built a rocket ship and destroyed the tiles on the walls, ending all humans.

the sea creatures ate the tiles from alterna, speeding up the evaluation, making the (drumrolll pleaseeee)

INKLINGS AND OCTOLINGS and other things not as important

oh they cant swim anymore btw

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okay, time for the start of splatoon 1 (before the events, very important to the lore trust)

the inkling and octolings were on good terms probs like uhm sharing ice cream..? idk. but when the tides rose, so did the beef (I CANT SPELL ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES BEEF DONT JUDGE).

cue the 

GREAT TURF WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the octolings: crazy killer machines lead by DJ octavio

the inklings: more limbs...? lead by captain cuttlefish and Judd

ANYWAY, the inklings won because the octolings' weapons got unplugged (L bozo/ratio) and were forced underground 

uhm yabba dabba doooooooo 3.141592653589793238462643383279

MORE EVENT BEFORE SPLAT 1 BUT AFTER THE GREAT TURF WAR!!!!!!!

most of the inklings now lived in the city inkopolis

anyway, there was a youth singing contest hosted and a girl named Pearl had a voice SO LOUD she DESTROYED SOME OF THE CONTEST, she was kicked out and left to yodel on the mountains emo-ly

the 2 winners were the cousins: 

Callie and Marie 

who happened to be captain cuttlefish's grandchildren (yk the guy who lead the inklings in the great turf war?)

they became the new famous idols and now host a news show in inkopolis!!!

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uhm.. SPLATOON 1 LORE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEE HEHE (i need help)

so one day in inkopolis the great zapfish goes missing. ts powers the WHOLE EFFING CITY HOW TF IS IT STOLEN???? anyway, captain cuttlefish is like "it was def that DJ octavio broskis I need someone to do this chat" and did the logical thing:

find a child on the street with the "spark in their eye"™ to convince them to become an agent.

after finding a minor on the street and convincing them to become an agent, he dubbed them

AGENT 3

after agent 3 kicking some octoling ass, captain cuttlefish gets kidnapped (shocked emoji)

Agent 3 is now taken under agent 1 and 2's wing (def not Callie and Marie WhAtTtT 'O')

after finding captain cuttlefish, DJ OCTAVIO pulled up in his dj turn table death machine™, but then, agent 1 and 2 play the song,

their one-hit wonder: calamari inkantation

one of the only 2 way to save someone from mind control in splatoon

1: calamari inkantation

2: getting the living shit beat out of them

ofc, agent 3 wins, gets the great zapfish back, and live happily ever after

and the calamari inkantation saves the octolings in blast range from DJ octavio's mind control

OTHER LORE

our friend the scientist had made a printer that would print things that would be called splatfests where there was a 48 hr time window to fight for the winner in friendly turf wars and the final fest was:

Callie VS Marie

(Marie won)

PER-SPLATOON 2 LORE

after marie won  the final splatfest, her fame got larger and she was more busy. one day she went to visit her parents without callie, but they kept asking abt callie. marie called callie and she agreed to catch the next train there. after many trains went by with no signs of callie, marie caught the first train home to their shared apartment, no sign of callie. after looking and realizing 

1. callie

2. captain cuttlefish

3. DJ octavio

4. the great zapfish

are missing

SPLATOON 2 HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

remember Pearl with the loud voice from earlier? an escaped octoling named Marina and they form a band (off the hook)

and they start a news show replacing the squid sisters (callie n marie) 

marie, still stressed after finding out 4 people are missing, she did the same thing captain cuttlefish did: 

find a child on the street with the "spark in their eye"™ to convince them to become an agent.

after finding a minor on the street and convincing them to become an agent, she dubbed them:

agent 4.

*insert epic octoling ass kicking*

after finding callie, agent 4 and marie confront her and realize:

SHE WAS BEING MIND CONTROLLED BY DJ OCTAVIO 

after agent 4 fought for a bit, marie pulled up in her old squid sister fit, sniped the mind control glasses so perfectly it would DEF change the events of July 13, 2024, callie snapped out of it and they sung a new version of their one hit wonder: spicy calamari inkantation

*Insert DJ octavio ass kicking*

andddd the good guys win!

THE SPLAT 2 DLC

holy moly this DLC is amazing and has a boss fight dubbed 'the 2nd hardest boss fight in nintendo history' (inner agent 3) so let's get into it!

you were probs wondering where captain cuttlefish and agent 3 were this whole time.

well, they were on vacation when the stumbled upon an octolingo, captain cuttlefish with all the PTSD he probs has, told agent 3 to attack them. while agent 3 was kicking ass, a random unknown hole opens for some unknown reason and drops the 3 down. 

Captain cuttlefish wakes up near agent 8 in the underground metro, not knowing where tf agent 3 is. the 2 decide to team up. after looking around and seeing octolings, they meet a telephone who speaks in slang and says thangs instead of things and calls the octoling 'subject 10008', but captain cuttlefish finds that too long and calls them 'agent 8' . they also find a train and a radio with PEARL AND MARINA ON IT (who help them throughout the DLC). also captain cuttlefish doesnt know where agent 3 is and makes a missing poster, WHICH AGENT 8 HAD TO FULL IN THE DETAILS-. after having to collect the 4 thangs to give to the telephone, the telephone builds something that marina points out to look like a blender. the telephone convinces them to go in. it was a blender. marina sends a distress call and guess who pops up?? AGENT 3. After they make show up like a diva, they get knocked-out cold on impact with the floor. everyone convince agent 8 to go through the hole agent 3 made throughout the metro. while agent 3 is knocked out, the telephone lets out a mind control goop that mind controls agent 3 to tie up captain cuttlefish. after agent 8 goes through the rest of the deep sea metro, she finds a mind controlled agent 3 and a tied up captain cuttlefish. so, she does the option 2 on the 2 ways to defeat mind control:

beat the living shit out of them.

after the 3 leave (agent 3 now passed tf out), they meet Perina- I MEAN Pearl and Marina. the telephone comes out of the sea in a statue, turns out to be evil, a whole evil speech happens, and then threatens to destroy the whole inkopolis. after they use ink bombs to stop the charge of the large laser power, pearl has to use her loud ass voice to defeat the telephone. 

yay! this has taken 2 hours so far!!

ANYWAYYYYYY

FINAL SPLATFEST: SPLATOON 2

so, like splatoon 1, there were splatfests and the final one was: CHAOS vs. ORDER

ofc chaos won bc what do you expect for a game about war and shooting the other team with paint guns??

so now SPLATOON 3!!! (thank goodness splatoon raiders isn't out bc writing is tiring)

PRE-SPLAT 3 LORE!!

Pearl and Marina went on a world tour!! (yay)

there are 3 idols this time instead of 2 like the others named: Frye

Shiver

Big Man

aka deep cut

(don't really know the lore there, not much from my usual sources)

SPLAT 3 HERO MODE

so, after the great zapfish goes missing AGAIN (like what- they need a better protection it has gone missing more times then I have lost my 4th HoO book) anyway, captain cuttlefish does the same thing they've done for the past 2 splatoon games: he (say it with me) FOUND A MINOR WHO AGREED TO BE AN AGENT!!

He named this agent: Agent 3/new Agent 3 (we'll get to why that works out later)

yay!!

so BASICALLY the same octoling ass kicking as before, but there's this fizzy ooze that if you touch you turn into a fuzz ball which you're new friend small fry can eat (yummy). A while into the ass kicking, you see DJ Octavio. You may be like "Uh... I've been playing for like 40 smth mins.. HOW IS IT OVER??!!!" Well, dear friend, it isn't!!! after a nice "talk" (ass kicking) it's found out it wasn't DJ Octavio (DUN DUH DUNNN) he was looking for captain cuttlefish because he was missing his octolings. after the "talk" ends, the floor breaks and guess what... CAPTAIN CUTTLEFISH GETS KIDNAPPED... AGAIN!!!

Agent 3 loses their clothes and has others underneath (*INSERT CONFUSION*) ANYWAY: agent 3 passes out during the fall, slowly fades into awakeness (I cant spell the real word don't mind) and see a trio of 3 looking down on them, before passing out again. After finally waking up for the final time, they see the old agent 3 who is now captain 3, Callie, and Marie. For some reason no one does anything, like, at all.

Like aren't you agents too?

I get SOME spare change from callie but JEEZ

ANYWAYYYY more ass kicking happens yabba dabba doo yadda yadda

after some ass kicking, Marie (or Callie..? IDK) says she put a tracker on captain cuttlefish and got a signal from 3 places ( also a messages from him but idk when) and new agent 3 keeps kicking octoling's ass (ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!) they see the trio from the one time the were awake for a bit after passing out.

turns out they were (drumroll please) DEEPCUT the idol group.

turns out having the highest paying job in ALL of the whole splatoon world, they're also pirates (arrr) and warn new agent 3 and the gang to stop looking or they're gonna feel the pain

of course, they don't gave a fu-

more ass kicking

then, new agent 3 reaches the first signal place, and guess who's there? NOT CAPTAIN CUTTLEFISH.

It ended up being Frye (yk, from deep cut?) turns out she's some eel whisperer and tries to kick your ass

of course,

she fails.

*more ass kicking*

the 2nd signal:

guess who's there??? Shiver (also from deepcut)

and she's a shark whisper (AHH I LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE SHARKS IM JELLY)

she does the same thing Frye did.

and fails.

like Frye did.

*MORE OCTOLIGING ASS KICKING*

and once they reached the 3rd signal, guess who's there??? YOU GUESSED IT!! Big Man!! (also from deep cut)

haha, same thing from the past 2 times!!

he's not a whisperer of anything, but he IS the thing and he's a diva and I love him (and suddenly now I wanna make more widgets of him for my devices)

then they have an apology with the cover for the song on nintendo music and the song name is basically an youtuber apology video (like jeez after toxic gossip train?)

and i think more ass kicking .

they used all the trash- UH treasure, they made something to clean all the fuzzy ooze, which FINALLY CAPTAIN 3 DOES SOMETHING AND CLEARS THE OOZE and then broke their ankle. (weak)

somewhere along the line they find out captain cuttlefish

ugh im not gonna write that phrase i've written so many times

after getting to the rocket ship, they realize someone turn captain cuttlefish into one of the steps of making calamari: dehydrated him.

of course, the emo captain 3's tears rehydrated him (they never show emotion)

turns out the whole thing was done by mr. grizz: the one who owns the sus grizzco who behind it for reasons I don't know.

mr. grizz blasted off into space and then (guess whattt)

Deep cut came to help them!!

mr. grizz blasted new agent 3 but DJ Ocatvio came to help (character development)

*epic space battle and fuzzy ooze vacuuming that I ain't gonna explain bc it sounds nsfw*

so, 2 way it could end:

1. if you couldn't finish the space battle in time, THE WORLD IS COVERED IN FUZZY OOZE AND DEATH

2. you win :3

yabba dabba dooo

SPLAT 3 DLC BAD LORE VERSION BC IT'S THE ONLY ONE I HAVENT EVEN STARTED

Marina from off the hook made a simulator for people who lost there memories in the past dlc

it get hacked

help from pearl (drone's version)

fighting brain washed Marina

fighting the boss

(veryveryveryvery bad, it's 4:25 am so I've been working on this for like 4-6 hours over 2 days)

yay.

(i'd recommend watching chase kip's video if you wanna know more. there's also long like 40 mins video like the one i like by rizirone but ik no on probs read this lol)