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yeah idk why I wrote this. I just felt like it.
disastrous fame and even more disastrous love, which i'm not sure I'll ever experience.
im not sure whether it's something I want to experience or not, though I can't help but desire it, just to know what it feels like.
is it weird that I want to get my heart broken? just to know what it feels like.
well, I've had my heart broken. but I want it done the traditional way. something stupid and tragic and lovely.
maybe it's self destructive.
maybe I'll be a secretary- a receptionist- whatever it's called.
I can handle stapling papers and typing on a computer. I could even say I'd enjoy it.
but probably not for very long.
I can handle it, but would I be happy?
fuck no.
not for very long.
it would be nice, simple, but not... I don't know.
not what I wish for.
since the ripe age of... well I don't know- birth? yes, since birth, probably- I've wanted to be a star.
well, maybe not a star- more like a creator.
but still somewhat, I suppose, a star.
but it's not like I deserve it anyways- I feel like everything I create is a cheap copy of whatever else. but isn't that everything these days?
but it's not like I have the confidence either- I was too scared to even do drama in high school. I wanted to. but I just... couldn't. or more like wouldn't.
but hey, im trying.
writing songs (well, ive been doing that forever... whatever) and hopefully I'll start practicing with my band soon- when we get a drum set.
maybe I just want something special.
something that saves my life.
maybe I'll get where I want to be (though I'm still not sure where that is)
maybe not.
right now I am simply waiting.
waiting on you, whoever you are.
I don't know yet. hopefully I'll find out soon.
who am I kidding, this is stupid.
at the end of the day I'm just a silly girl
who would like to be called a good boy.
not in that way, I swear
;)
thank you if you read my useless ramblings. can you tell I've been thinking too much about my chemical romance?
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Masami (スターさん)
Idk if this is optimistic or pessimistic of me, but I think u should do everything in your power and more to make your dream of becoming a star happen irl. The world needs change, we need new things and stars. We're going to die anyway. We will die useless and small, so die with something bigger than yourself. Die with an attempt to chase your dreams.
Pls take my advice w/ some salt thoooo... my advice is easier said then done!!
thank you for your encouragement, really, your comment made me smile. it definitely is easier said than done, but what's the use in not at least trying?
by sae !!!; ; Report
yes exactlyyyy. There will never be harm in trying!! Its better to do that then regret what you didn't do
by Masami (スターさん); ; Report