Mental load dump

Its been 3 years since I started having this feeling and experience of feeling out of place. It feels like I am too conscious and aware or wanna be aware about everything happening around me.. talking to people, walking on the street, just sitting in the park. I feel like I am being watched all the time. This used to be worse as I felt this level of alertness even in my house but though it has reduced it still is there, worse when I am outside.

I took psychology in my junior year of high school and studied about various disorders, even thoroughly from DSM-5 (Diagnostic Statistical manual for mental disorders) and guess what I found the MOST relatable. DPDR- Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder, though there are many more disorders that come under Dissociative disorders like dissociative amnesia also is relevant to me as I don't remember 2 years of my life that much.. even the subjects I studies then are really faded in my memory with personal experiences no where to be found. But dpdr is the most relatable one. 

This have been moving around my head and idk how to fix this because going to a therapist in this economy especially when I am starting to college will make things even more hectic and hard. The thought that imaginary conversation seems more real then the real ones is crazy because I have to socialize this new people and none of my friends go to the same uni so i am all by myself. I zone out and become awkward when I talk to people as if I am on autopilot mode and my vision goes blurry too. I know it's not a eyesight problem cause I went to a doctor and he said it's fine, yeah I wear glasses and the worst part these expensive ahh glasses have wierd lense which don't suit me but it's expensive and pretty so I will use it till it actually worns out. My parents told me they can change it but I don't want to waste more money. 

Idk if this platform even works or not cause I never came across this until recently. Just wanted to drop my mental load a little will post more as part of my self therapy... adios!