Second day without you

July 24th, 2025

Second day without you, and I won’t lie — your absence is very noticeable. Today I woke up once again without that “good morning” message I loved receiving so much. I didn’t talk to you or anyone else all day. I stayed in my room the entire time, lying down and thinking. The only time I got up was to have a snack — well, to prepare it, because I ended up eating it lying down, in my room, alone, without speaking to anyone.

Honestly, it felt really awful, and I realized how much I miss you. I’ve become aware of how your messages used to brighten my day in a way you could never imagine. Today is just another day without knowing anything about you — I don’t know what you’re doing, if you ate, how you’re feeling. I know absolutely nothing about you.

The only glimpses I get are through your Instagram stories, little notes, or your WhatsApp channel. But today, seeing all that made me realize that you seem to be doing quite well — and that makes me happy — but I can’t help thinking that you’re happy without me. That thought hurts. And speaking of pain, I also felt that pain in my chest again today — that horrible feeling I’ve only ever felt once in my life, when I lost the most important person to me — my dad. That was the only time I felt that kind of pain… that awful ache in my chest that just tears me apart. But there’s nothing I can do about it, because trying to reach out and tell you that I love you and can’t let you go won’t fix anything. You’ll just reject me, and all it will do is deepen the pain I’m already feeling.

For now, I’ll just settle for knowing that you’re happy. I’m going to try to focus more on myself, to keep improving like I had been doing for months — but now with the big difference that I no longer have you as my motivation. Still, deep down I know that you’d want to see me doing well, and I’m going to do my best — even if it’s hard — I promise to improve in every way I can. And maybe, just maybe, someday we’ll be able to meet again… but I’m taking things slowly.

To end the day, I had a very quiet dinner. Even though I was with my mom and my brother, I still felt alone. And to make things worse, my mind started overthinking. While I ate, memories began to flood in — chats we had, moments we shared — and it all started to hurt. I did everything I could to hold back the tears while I was eating, and fortunately, I managed to. I finished dinner and went back to my room, alone once again, trying to calm myself down so I wouldn’t cry over you again.

Who would’ve thought? Me, someone who never used to cry no matter how bad things got — now I can only calm down by crying, crying alone, in my room, in search of peace.

And that’s when I realized that not crying is worse than crying. Something that seems so simple can give you such an incredible release — one I never imagined.

Another habit I’ve picked up now is writing. Even though I used to write when I was younger — just random stuff — as I got older, I didn’t see the point anymore. “Writing? What for?” I used to say and think. But now I realize that writing is a beautiful way to let things out too — something I never thought I’d do again. Being able to write everything you feel, think, do, experience… it’s just beautiful.

I’d love to share all these writings with someone, but I feel like they’d just see me as a broken person who can’t move on — someone living in depression because of a breakup. And well… I guess they’d be right.

“It’s impossible to erase true love in just a few days, and even harder to forget the person who gave you that love.”

I miss you-

Maury~