My transphobic family Pt3

Sooo we broke up. Well I broke up with her. I had finally started to see her again but soon my mom found out and now I had to move back in with her. I knew we wouldn't see each other for a while and well knowing she was gonna start college soon I didn't want to make her wait any longer for me. I broke up with her and fuck it hurts. She told me to get a car and get my stuff together and maybe then we might be together again without my parents in the wait... but if we don't? I love her so much and I broke up with her because I didn't want to keep hurting her but fuck. She told me to better myself so when we come back together we come back stronger so IM TRYING. I picked up a lot of my old hobbies like art an anime and yk what? I've been doing good mentally. But on those lonely nights where I'm 3 red bulls in binging anime, the sight of two character holding hands it reminds me of her, and I begin to cry. I hate this and its seriously eating at me, I'm crying as I type this Lmao.

Ember I know you'll never read this my love but I miss you. I miss your voice, I miss your cute little face, I miss the little giggles you'd give when I tickled you, I miss watching you play games in our room, I miss the sound of the tv as we cuddled, I miss eating food on the bed, I miss holding your hand, I miss talking about our future, I miss sending you cute reels, I miss rubbing my foot against yours as you slept in bed, I miss the long car rides as i sat excited on my way to your home, I miss begin your papas, I fucking miss you so much and I cant stop crying. Please don't leave forever, Please come back soon.

I love you

I should've never broken up with you, Im so sorry.

I thought it was best but, Im not ok right now.