being a fem ftm sucks big fat balls

I'm a boy. That's what I think atleast, and I really want to be one.

I really like being feminine. I like dressing cute and pretty, I like wearing makeup, and I'm growing my hair out to be longer. But I wanna be a boy, I feel so much more comfortable being seen as a boy. 

I wan a be seen as a boy, thats why I like games where I get to customize my character. Splatoon was one of the catalysts to finding my identity lol - I started playing as a boy in splatoon and the entire time I was imagining that people would refer to my inkling as 'he' and whatnot, it made me happy

But irl... no one's gonna see me as a guy. I used to be more masc looking, I had the same haircut as tori himemiya from enstars, and I would dress in baggy clothes. But I'm embracing more of my fem side and... it worries me. Because while I'm really really happy dressing cute and doing my makeup, feeling pretty, I realize no one irl will see me as a guy. No one's gonna recognize me as a real boy. Not even a femboy.

Lots of people don't like ftm femboys because they say it defeats the purpose or whatever....... blehhhhh it's stupid.

Doesn't help that I was in a relationship with someone that didn't want me to be a trans boy. Messed up my whole view on my identity.

It's just rough out here 4 fem presenting ftms lol