Reasons I didn’t date people!

Or in other terms, what I see as red flags.

(So if you need any advice in what to avoid, you’re more than welcome to take notes!)

I’ve been told I’ve got stupidly high standards, thus why I haven’t dated anyone (yet), but honestly, people don’t seem to remotely call it for what it is anymore, calling budding romances as nothing more than situationships or the ever more belittling terms. 

(These are all compiled based off MULTIPLE people!!)

Quit highschool

I do not want to romantically pursue someone who has a remotely poor future. (PS. I’ve been trying to get this friend back into earning their highschool degree for half a décade!! smh)

Unless you have an ulterior plan for the future or a steady flow of income, I do not see a point in supporting a person who doesn’t support themself.

Poor hygiène

Though it’s true not to solely judge others based off their looks, I’d say it is plausible to an extent. You can learn a lot about people by how they maintain themselves; how much of an effort they put on themselves shows what they’re available to put effort in when in a relationship. (It’s only fair!)

Secretiveness

This one might be debatable, but there’s a différence in deciding not to share traumas & as younger people call it, lore about yourself early on into a relationship, but telling the person you want to romantically pursue that they’ll let you in on their life’s stories when « we’re more serious » sounds pretty fishy to me. Especially when they ask a whole lot from me. No thanks, I want both of us to be equally as open.

Patriotism

I was raised as a first génération immigrant, & as someone who’s met people from several countries, I love when people are proud of where they are from because I get to learn about their language, culture, & way of life! If someone talks their own héritage down - especially if it’s from a country that’s spoken poorly of - it gives me the idea that you are sparsely happy about your very existence! Because the way you look, your mannerisms, etc are all thanks to whoever raised you.

Exes

I, myself, have yet dated, as aforementioned, but those who I’ve given my time of day have, and I find it rude & immature to speak poorly of your own exes especially if I know of them. I understand people have tough relationships - it happens all the time. But I do not accept the nasty things people say about those who they thought so graciously of before, only speaking negatively of them because they’ve broken up. It makes me wonder how they’ll speak of me if we didn’t work out. 

Fujoshi

Yeah… As a girl, who barely likes guys to begin with, this one was just a little bit of a « no thanks. » I respect other people’s interests, & I am very open-minded when it comes to what people are into (I’m queer for goodness sake!) but I do not appreciate it when people try to make me read or watch cartoon men doing strictly inappropriate things if I have said I don’t feel comfortable watching it! You can do it on your freetime & I’m ok with scrolling past it when I’m online or in the library, but it’s not for me.

Addictions

À simple transition from the last point, I do not want to involve myself with anyone who has a negative addiction such as drinking, hard dr*gs (I’m ok with people who just smoke; it’s very common in my country), inappropriate addictions, etc. It’s quite understandable, I believe. I’m a little less worried about those who have a vidéo game addiction or social media addiction, as those are certainly more common, but I’m not a fan of those either as they are bound to lead people to negative mindsets. 

Monolingual

This one’s, yet again, just a personal preference. I speak mulitple languages, so I would highly appreciate it if my partner did as well. This ties into the cultural thing mentioned earlier.

Indoorsy people

I love going out, spending time outside (though it has been ridiculously hot out recently…) sports, etc. & if the person I’m with is nearly allergic to the outdoors, just show me the way out. I can’t stand aimlessly watching televisión or anything that involves a screen for longer than 20 minutes at a time. Now, if this person has an indoor hobby, that I can deal with. But just as I can appreciate their indoor hobby, I’d like for them to appreciate my own outdoor ones.

Horror

I can’t stand horror* media.  I find it uncomforting to think there’s people who enjoy gore & scary situations out of a morbid liking. I respect brave people, but if you like horror, I’d say that’s very offputting. 

*Psychological & thriller content do not equal horror! 

Thank you for reading - I hope these red flags do you well! I’d love it if you added your own in the comments! Since I would like advice as well :) And if you have any thoughts on the ones listed, don’t be afraid to share! Thank you again.

- Song lyrics of the day:

« Any time, any day

You can hear the people say:

That love is blind

Well, I don’t know, but I say

love is kind. » 

- Listen to What the Man Said, Paul McCartney