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i haven't made a blog post in quite some time. honestly all i wanted was to rest. i deleted my wip (work in progress, in case you don't know) cuz it made me miserable. i hecame more miserable and ended up spending like forty days rewriting it and shaping it in a way that could hopefully become a debut book (mostly shortened it and made it more cohesive). it took a huge toll on me. my wrists hurt like hell -luckily not anymore- and i lost weight. why? i didn't eat, plain as that. from the time i woke up to the time i slept i wrote or stared at the page. i had like 13 hour screen time on word and it was common. after being done, i lost all inspiration. i rested, but i feel empty. i tried to write the sequel but i had no inspiration, and thus have been spending my time with another novel rewriting the same page over and over. but i feel that i'm out of the block now. i felt inspiration finally. all i need to do is gather some more. and yeah, i've heard that motivation and inspiration come after beginning the action, but when i followed that, i loathed my works. i won't lead myself to that. my books are escapism and joy even if they are sad sometimes and i won't force myself to write them.
my works!
i have many ideas. i have a few wips. by few i mean 3. i don't struggle with writing, it blurts out of me. i love it, i love editing, i love researching for it, i love finding the perfect cute lil font, i love experimenting with the design of the pages, i love the whole process. you know what i struggle with? the title. the goddamn title.
my first book ever completed is called radiophobia. it changed names so much. luckily i found that, didn't even know that the fear of radiation had a name. long story short:
the plot is heavily based on the weird lies and misconseptions i hear about nuclear power plants (thanks mom for like half of them), work there, accidents, and nuclear energy in general. so there's a girl who sees ghosts and her brother gets kidnapped to work at a government facility who does experiements based on nuclear energy, which fail brutally and the whole world is irradiated. a bunch of people want to reveal the truth so they kidnap the girl and a bunch of others like her cuz they can talk to the ghosts there. the girl pretty much almost dies a couple of times and becomes rly fascinated with the subject. also i just threw in there some of my weird chernobyl dreams for the vibes.
genre: techno horror!
has anyone read it? i honestly don't know. ppl close to me haven't, they don't even know that the book is complete or what it's about. i posted it in a discord server, some ppl have checked it out.
also it has a sequel! originally i wanted to have like four books of that but i'd be milking that story too much. it's gonna have like one more and that's it.
the sequel takes place after nuclear war. the whole plot is that some ppl survive. a bunch live in like bunkers and starve and some others make a somewhat normal society and due to severe mutations they can live anywhere cuz radiation doesn't harm them. the title will prob be radiophilia, no idea if it's a word but eh, ppl make up words all the time in books.
genre: sci-fi
unrelated to those two, i have another book with nuclear. i like it, it's a huge source of ideas.
it's an old scrapped idea. whole plot is pretty much what if the chernobyl disaster didn't happen. the main character's name is margot and i may or may not rly want her life. also it'll have sequels, if not 3 then def 2 cuz i rly wanna write abt the 2000s there too and the first book starts in 1981.
the revelation!
i always saw those videos and posts that talked abt how better the op felt when deleting like regular social media and moving on. honestly i know that if i quit it, ill be miserable. no way can i just find the music i listen to. no way can i find the nice nuclear videos i watch. youtube cant go even tho it would be nice to live without it. insta cant go but it will once im done w school. we have a groupchat there and my school is wild so we def need to talk w each other.
my writing habits r better now. i draw and i play some more games. ive always had this dream of bettering my life and becoming happier, have had it since i was like 10. ever since i got rid of tiktok, managed to write a book in 34 days, interacted a ton w the things i enjoy (watching half lives by that chernobyl guy over and over again cuz im bored out of my mind), i have had a revelation.
what will save me in the end r my interests and freedom from regular social media. the embrace of the 2000s will help me. that way, ill actually have memories. cuz i dont remember much ever since i got tiktok, sadly. at least im glad that i discovered it early. i have made a plan to help me be happier and may i be struck down if i dont manage it.
that is it, after all that time.
have a nice day, here's a blog post after months!!!
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧(人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
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