Facing the Abyss (I didn't make it back)

i don’t even know how I’m still up or why, why I'm sitting here digging a grave into my thoughts.  i feel like i’m floating outside my own body, watching myself scroll for nothing, blink too slow, sit in the dark like something’s supposed to happen where it isn't. it’s quiet as fuck, but my brain is loud as hell. memories I didn’t ask for showing up like they pay rent. i miss people who never even saw me. i want someone to call me dramatic and mean it lovingly. like “come cry in my passenger seat” type shit. I don’t want to be touched, but I want to be held. I don’t want to talk, but I want somebody to know I’m not okay. shit’s weird. I’m weird. This world is weird. anyway. I’ll probably delete this later. or maybe not. depends on how I feel when the sun comes up.