i overthink too much i think

i feel like such a shitty person for thinking this, but back in 8th grade (about 2 years ago now!!) my best friend decided it would be really funny to joke about outing me to my super shitty homophobic parents and tells them a lot of really shitty lies like that even though she knew it would get me in a ton of trouble 

and even when i would freak out and beg and plead to her not to do that cause it would put me in actual danger, she still would continue to use that to make fun of me

idk if im a shitty person for this, but like. i still think to myself that i really deserve an apology for that because that was a super fucked up thing to do. AND THIS FRIEND HAS NO REMORSE FOR IT EITHER. AND THEY KEEP DOING SIMILAR THINGS

like, last year i think i decided to be open with her about how bad my paranoia was and how i always feel like someone is watching me through cameras or some other way, just in kind of general generic schizophrenic paranoia. and then she goes and uses this to make fun of me by saying stuff like "nooo i watch you every night through my secret cameras i put in your room" or even just the stereotypical "im in your walls watching you"

and i cant bring any of this up to her because she'll get mad at me and theres no good reason to bring it up anyway

i guess now it doesn't really matter, but it still hurts to think about, especially because ive never gotten an apology for it. i dont really tryst her as much as i used to now because of thise things that she said and did

and its kinda crazy sometimes because shes been my best friend since 7th grade when we met, and my other best friend whom i just got to know last year is WAY more respectful and understanding of my paranoia and doesnt even question it

ive just been kinda thinking about this stuff for the past few days and i know i shouldn't because its making me have all kinds of bad feelings about this friend, but idk. forgive and forget, i guess (even though i have neither forgiven, nor forgotten this)

thanks for reading, bye <3