at my fck yall stage

i feel like i've barely lived. every move i make is calculated not to bother, not to annoy, to be perfect, to keep the storm from breaking under my roof. i try to be always available, always ready to please, always trying to keep things calm.

but it doesn’t work. and i need to make peace with that.

nothing you do will ever be enough for a narcissist. so be it. i've done more than i should have, cried more than i thought humanly possible. i'm at my fck y’all stage. i can't take anything more. just leave me be.

let me have one day, just one, where i don’t have to carry the weight of this or that. let me be alone, truly alone, without anyone blaming me for what i’ve done, or what i haven’t, because i’m too distant or too close, because i didn’t do enough, or because i’m not pretty enough or because i think differently, or because of who my friends are or aren’t, because i'm not as ood as them, because because beacause

o lord, just give me one quiet day. one day to wake up in a calm place, where my heart doesn't pound and my hands don't shake.

o lord, give me that day, the one that feels like a cup of tea and warm biscuits.