MMM Flan :> (RANTING AND VENTING)

HAIIIII :3
I just ate some flan :P 
I'ma ramble but first 
SOME PHOTOS!!!!!

Alright now we can begin :3 
I love death note right now :3
My favorite is L
He's soooooo Me :D
I wish I could just stay up late
But my stupid fucking meds :(
I know they're there to help me sleep and function properly 
BUT STILL!!!!!
I've started to wonder if I had the choice
without school and without any other societal norms that force me to be a morning person
would I be a night person?
I mean I do know why I can stay up so late
ADHD making me think constantly which prevents me from sleeping
but like 
Sometimes I wish I could stay awake without any consequences
So I can exist at night
where no one can interrupt me
where I can be myself
usually when I'm awake at 12 I start to redo my phone
So I feel like I'm kinda at my most productive at night
or maybe when I'm sleep deprived I just get productive
 Idk 
Guess I crave a sense of control in my chaotic life.
like when I tried to make my own school schedule
and I was happy with it
yet my mom changes it 
and when I can't keep up she changes my english from Monday to friday
when I'VE TOLD HER MILLIONS OF TIMES I LIKED IT ON FRIDAY CAUSE I CAN WORK OVER THE WEEKEND 
INSTEAD OF HAVING TO WORK OVER NOT ONLY MY OTHER ASSIGNMENTS AND ALSO A FUCKING WRITING ESSAY
AND WHEN I OBVIOUSLY GET UPSET SHE GIVES ME HER "ooooo guess I can't do anything right" BULLSHIT
WHAT NO???
I JUST HAD IT THE WAY I LIKED IT
JUST CAUSE ONE OF CLASSES WAS OVER DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO CHANGE MY SCHEDULE 
AND THEN WHENEVER I GET UPSET OR I GET EMOTIONAL (something I do when I get told off, I know it's immature, first of all Im a minor of course I'm immature, SECONDLY, I'm just an emotional person who feels shame when I do something wrong, I can't fucking help it if I get upset when you tell me to stop running, its me feeling guilty!!) 
SHE JUST GOES "guess I can't do anything right, guess I can't say anything to you!" SHUT UP YOU SOUND LIKE NANA.
I LOVE HER AS MY MOM BUT STILL EVER SINCE DAD DIED SHE"S BEEN SUCH A FUCKING BITCH
sorry for such a vent but honestly its been so hard
I just want some control of my life
maybe I'll just make my own schedule, fuck it, what is she gonna fucking do?
I don't have to go by the schecle she made me 
maybe I could dye my hair!!
I definitely couldn't skip my medicine though
As much as I want to
its like SUPER MONITORED
If my mom found out, I would be in way more trouble then I should choke down
anyway
thanks for reading this far
I hope you have a good night :3