I don't know what to do about my relationship.

Okay, this is a lot to get off of my chest, especially considerign this is basically and MCR fan blog and a place where I post art.. but I'm really fucking troubled and I HATE Reddit. 

Anyways, 

I've been with my partner for 2 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 22, at a bar and immediately we were in the same friend group (a group of kids in the local music scene from 18-25). They introduced me to a whole new way of life, polyamory. 

When I met them, we sort of immediately hit it off, but it wasn't like a meetcute situation or anything. I first saw them at a DIY venue in our hometown, and when I spoke to them they totally brushed me off and ignored me for the rest of the night. I saw them again at the bar where we met after a show. There we actually had a conversation and the day after we began texting. 

Honestly, I knew who they were before they knew me. They were pretty popular locally for being a hardcore punk kid, with a lot of good connections and advice. They were basically a never-ending well of niche band knowledge and really popular friends. They were also known for having raw recordings of most local sets, and they'd typically put them on CD or tape. 

They were pretty fuckin' cute too. 

Anywho, when I sarted crushing on them, I told my ex-friend and her reaction was.. notable to say the least. She knew they slept around, and she also knew punks well enough to know the lifestyle wasn't suited to me. At the time I was basically fresh meat, 18 with no connections, a couple local shows under my belt and a really stupid wardrobe. I saw them as an "in", especially since I'd been really depressed and I wanted to totally reinvent myself socially (in an effort to move away from highschool). 

It proved doable, especially since the first time we hung out we slept together.. And then it.. Just.. Kept.. Happening. 

Eventually, it got to a point where obviously we were more than friends, but I don't know if "like" was the right word. They were good to hang with, and I certainly found them attractive, but I didn't get that little butterfly feeling (especially since I had a BIG crush on someone else at the time). 

We had a conversation to deal with these confusing emotions, and it basically boiled down to: "We can date. But you're young, don't be stupid, this isn't going to last, btw I am polyamorous." and I sort of went "Oh, this is perfect.. I still have my in and I don't even have to fully commit?! Fuckyeah!" 

Fast forward a year in.. We get closer and closer and closer. Everything feels so dramatic. Every small movement, nickname, night we spend together, day we spend outside the house.. It all feels like it's mounting to something. 

The first time they said "I love you," it was their birthday. It really was a fuckin' shitty night. Middle of Canadian winter, and we went to a bar with a fuckass bouncer. We got really drunk, and I crashed at theirs. I didn't wanna sleep there (it's far from mine, and it's a "dude" apartment.. ifykyk). I was picking up my jacket to leave and they said my name and a very clear, slightly slurred: "I love you,". 

It was such a big deal, I literally spoke about it to my friends for DAYS. 

P.O.V You were my friend during this time: 

"OMFG! The emotionally unavaiable ADHD punk boy I've been courting helplessly for the past YEAR finally said ILy! EEEEK!!!!" (ew.)

Fast Forward 2 Years in... We're pretty much inseperable. I have another partner (pretty steady) and they have "flings" too. All of our friends refer to us as a unit, and everyone (almost) knows we're together. They mean a lot to me, and I mean a lot to them. It's gotten to that point where were "comfortable". I don't mind it, my issue is HOW THE FUCK DO I PRESENT THIS KID TO MY PARENTS. 

I mean, I don't have to do it. It's not like they're a bad partner. They have a steady job, are in contact with their family, have a nice friend circle, are very kind etc. It's more about me coming out.. and then explaining I've had a partner for 2 years.. and that I'd been keeping them (both of them actually) from my parents this whole time. I love the kid, I do, but practically this whole situation has given me SO many anxiety attacks. 

Other "practical" relationship issues based on who we are as people 

-  We can never live togehter (or at least not sleep in the same room) because we have TOTALLY different schedules (they work full-time and I am a student) 

- We can never agree on what to do. 

- We are both avoidant. 

- He has hoarding tendencies, and I have so little emotional attachment to objects. 

- He doesn't mind dust.. I fuckin' hate it. 

All of this to say: 

Do I bite the bullet, come out to my parents? Do I tell them I am dating someone they certainly wouldn't approve of and will deem a "horrid" influence on me despite the fact I am an adult. While also possibly risking being kicked out for "deceiving them" while also risking the fabric of my relationship since they are rather insecure (and know) that my mother isn't the most fond of alternative people. 

I've been living a double life for like fuckin' 3 years at this point. I think I'm digging my hole so deep I can't even see the light anymore. I just need to get out..