Deleting Tiktok

After an embarassing 4 years of addiction, I've finally cut the cord with tiktok (sort of). I've deleted the app and deactivated my account for the time being.

 I didn't realize how much it would feel like a phantom limb until today. It's only been like 7 hours, but I've found myself reaching for my phone, and pressing the space where the app would fall. It's so fucking weird. I just felt like my life would continue to spiral unless I made the change. 

Everyday, I'd wake up with the intention to work on my shop, maybe try applying for new roles and internships in the industry I'm trying to shift into, but fell back into the Tiktok loop.  Being unemployed with Tiktok is one of the worst experiences ever.

The worst part about it, is how much agency over my own life I lost. Constantly searching for gurus to give me advice on etsy, job apps, and relationships, and feeling like I didn't know what voice to trust. My mind feels so quiet, and it's just weird. I hope I can fight returning back on there. 

The time from 2020 (I downloaded it during covid), to now is just one big blur in my mind. It's scary.