Sleepy morning 7/31/25

10:57am
I’ve just only decided to actually wake up after trying to go back to sleep repeatedly since five this morning. Last night, before I actually fell asleep, my friend asked me to talk so they could sleep. I wasn’t sure what to talk about so I asked them their favorite childhood book. They picked Cat In The Hat.  So, I read it to them and before the book was over, they were out. Eventually, I watched about five episodes of RWBY and then listened to music until I fell asleep. That same friend woke me up with a phone call this morning, so I felt kind of obligated to answer, just in case something had happened. He simply just wanted to be on call, so I allowed it and went back to sleep. Him and his sister had to go get shots, so I hope they’re alright now. Unfortunately, I have a doctors appointment. Hopefully I won't also have to get shots. I can handle them most of the time, but it hurts more when the needle is pulled out of my skin more than when its penetrated it.

9:23pm
I've been laying in bed after being at the hospital and public all day. I wasn't exactly happy with my visit, since there's more I have to do. I'm terrified, actually. I was told there's a big chance I have cysts on my uterus. I really wish I didn't have one to begin with. Maybe then my identity would be respected. Anyway, I have to go to a gynecologist and I'll most likely cry ngl. I'm hoping I can just do an ultrasound and be done with it. I also have to go somewhere to have my breast checked. So not only may I have cysts, I also get to be fondled by some fucking person I've never met. As if i haven't been touched enough. I'll choose not to dwell on it for now. I don't feel like ruining my night too. My friend, Havoc is online and we've been texting for some time. Something he said yesterday has really been sticking with me. He said he wanted me to be happy for myself and not because someone else is. I don't know, I just find it hard to be happy when I haven't spoken to my close friends, made sure they were happy, and helped them with anything they needed. I just feel like I need to service someone in some way to really be allowed to be thier friend. If I help people, they won't want to leave me. They'll see me as reliable and I'll be able to keep helping them and be their friend. Anyway, I'm still feeling sick and out of energy today, So I'll end this here. Casper, logging off.