I Love.

I think I was born to be alone.

No matter how kind I am, no matter how pretty people say I look,

it never feels like enough to make someone stay.

I want someone to touch me like they mean it.

To look at me like I’m art, like I’m a secret they’re lucky to know.

I want someone to ache for me the way I ache for everyone.

I don’t think that’s shallow. I just want someone I’m actually attracted to.

Someone I can look at and feel that spark burn straight through my ribs.

Someone who’s here, in person not some disembodied name on a screen.

But I live in the middle of nowhere.

There’s nothing here.

No one here.

Just heat, dust, and silence.

I do online school. I stay inside. I scroll. I wait.

And nothing ever changes.

No boys talk to me.

And when I try to talk first, I feel like a creep.

Like my desire is too loud, too weird, too intense.

But I swear, I’m just trying to love someone.

I don’t want to scare anyone.

I just want someone to love me back.

I still think about him.

The first boy who made my veins catch fire.

Black and red hair. Soft voice. Sneaking out at night just to talk to me.

God, I should’ve asked him to dance at the party.

I was too shy.

Too scared.

Now he’s gone and I ache for him like he was a dream I woke up from too early.

And I miss who I was back then too.

Before I knew who i was. 

When I still believed a boy might look at me like I was magic.

Maybe I’m not built for this world.

Maybe I love too hard.

But I just want to be loved the way I love.