not sure what im doin here but hi lol

i think its been almost a year since i last posted here. anyway, i turned 20 a while ago and i still have no job lol even though i still get money legally, idk how to drive (ughh), and im not a student yet even though i graduated last year.

for a lil context, im completely deaf as shit lol. i use hands to commuicate (asl). i grew up in mainstream school and always struggled with math & kinda eduaction cuz i was such a coward. now i feel so behind everyone, especially in school and life stuff. i really wanna go to college soon but the problem is i dont know what major i want to take. like, literally i have no interests but ive always dreamed of studying aboard (mostly in asia, even tho i suck at memorizing languages but i like learning visually).

im also kinda scared bc i dont know how to be independent. i always reply on my parents for everything. im not blaming them but i feel so suffocated when they dont let me do basic things by myself - like going to the store alone etc. it is sooo embarrassing honestly. i lowkey hate it but whatever.

so at this point, i wanna go to an out-of-state college and just face challenges as a deaf person. ive always wanted to travel the world so badly, and i kinda hate how goverments nowadays are busy starting wars when all i wanna do is live my life. being deaf kinda sucks.. lol but yeah, thats not the main point.

so, like i said i wanna go to an out-of-college. i found a study aboard program for deaf and hard of hearing people, it made me so happy, like id totally do that. ive been researching it lately and i cant wait to see wether ill actually go to college and change myself for better.

after graduating high school, i got super depressed- like actually depressed. now im tired of living like that, so im thinking, why not try to live the way i want and not let my depression win? life is too short, especailly with so much crap going on in the world. so yeah, im trying to change my mindset, work on myself, and figure out how to really identify as a deaf person- something ive always struggled with.