One, two, three, motley scenes shining through the silver screen!~ /lyr

Hello, Spacehey! Hoooo boy... Uh, so you know about how the past can inflect the future, right? Four score (well, zero, due to my romantic incompetence) and four years ago, back in the 2021-2022 years where I was 14, I met a boy who changed my life... For the WORSE :(

TL:DR; I had a crush on a boy in my freshman year of HS, he ghosted me and acted all buddy-buddy in my sophmore year even tho I wasn't gonna take it, and we hadn't talked since, and now after YEARS of repressing memories about him, he's HAUNTING MEEEE, UGHHH (＃`Д´)

Okay, so, I'm getting into the JUICY s[hey]t here, so read carefully. I'd suggest that you grab something to eat while I drop a piece of lore about myself, preferably ramen and either chips and a sammie/sandwich/whatever the [baco tell].

The year was around 2021, around fall I wanna say. I was new in highschool, and they were allowing us to go in person. Hooray! :D I never liked online school, especially since digital schooling got implemented at the time my uncle passed away, so I was like... REALLY depressed (/srs).

But that's besides the point, I was in freshman year, I met a really cool person who is still my friend to this day because we had the same bio class, but I met another person. A chubby Latino boy that was about a year or two ahead of me, with kind brown eyes, a sweet smile, and who had the same nerdy interests I did back then, like Friday Night Funkin', animation YouTubers, and theater. I'll call him S for anonymity reasons (life advice: this is because doxxing someone is bad. INCLUDING if that person wronged you. /srs /Gen).

Anyways, I was in LOVE with S. Well, we started as friends huhhah ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ BUT THEN... My brain went 'ey... he's kinda nice! let's simp over him! >:D'. Worst decision ever. Because yeah, he was nice, I was anxious around him so badly! My hand or foot would brush up against his own hand or foot while he was playing an FNF mod or working on his own FNF mod (yeah, he was making his own FNF mod based on a YouTuber we both liked! I'm still probably subscribed to his YT channel bc i'm subbed to so many channels and I don't wanna skim thru them all </3 /Gen) and he would barely notice or move away his hand or foot (and ofc I would stop if I noticed him pulling away slightly. I have standards yk... (￢_￢) /nm).

We both worked in the haunted house together, he was a victim of a butcher, and I was a crazy clown. And his skills? IMPRESSED ME! Had me wooing over him. Eventually, it wasn't long until one of my friends, the one I shared a bio class with, noticed that I liked him!! Σ(O_O)

"Oh, but Dell, how'd they know you liked him? Weren't you keeping this secret?? ',:("

Well, yes, but technically no. I am an easy person to read (//▽//) or, well, WAS (still probably am tbh -w-' /hj). My voice raised in pitch to sound more feminine, because I'm a lady with a deep voice you've heard some women with deep voices, I'm a gal with a deep voice, I always sat next to him, I would always face to him, listen to what he had to say, and I got REALLY shy around him. I'd also sometimes give him gifts, mainly food that I didn't want like those little bags of gram crackers or extra veggies or fruit. And my friend, I'll call A, my friend managed to catch all of this around February.

And they asked me around late winter 2021, early spring of 2022, "Hey, do you like S?", and I said "No", you know like a liar /ref

They caught onto the lie, they recognized me lying instantly and it clicked that I had a crush on S. They poked fun at me for it a few times until they told me around April of 2022, where they got the news that S didn't like me back. Oh (￣ヘ￣) and I made a big deal of it. I made a WAYYY big deal of it, because I was 14, and immature, and I went through a whole emo phase over it that I wish never happened  (ノ*°▽°*) gods, it was embarrassing... /gen

I didn't want him to show up to the cabaret that I was in, I barely talked to him, I PHYSICALLY avoided him like the plague a few times, everything! (¯ ¯٥) it was like when you had that one person you hated so much that being even a few feet of them caused a lot of emotions within me! Which is now a rare sight considering i bottle up my emotions like how companies bottle water, y'know? xP (/hj). But that bitterness was long forgotten and replaced with a sadness where my brain went "hey, maybe he still wants to be friends? :(", and so I tried to contact him on discord, and he either blocked me, or unfriended me and had his DMs set to friends only. Huh, odd.

Eventually, I started to feel even more bad, and I wanted to get close to tell him I was sorry and that I was starting to worry for him. But he sorta just ghosted me. And he didn't even talk to me in spring! No apology, no sorry, he was avoiding me equally! >:( It didn't seem to be out of anger, but rather out of some form of weirded-out discomfort I was familiar with as an avid weird kid. Oh, he did NOT like me (ᓀ ᓀ)

It wasn't until 2022-2023 sophmore year he came back to me again. No apology, no sorry for ghosting me, just a casual "hey, Dell! how are ya? ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝", all buddy buddy... -_-

[TRUCK] YOU??? YOU CAN'T GHOST ME AND UNFRIEND/BLOCK/WHATEVER THE [Taco Bell] YOU DID ON DISCORD AND THEN ACT LIKE WE'RE ALL FINE AND DANDY, S!! >:L

anyways, I was reasonably pissed off. I showed this by lowering my voice, facing away from S, anything and everything that would convey to S that I did not like him. And it worked. He moved out, went to Massachusetts, my friend A told me this. He went to Massachusetts, probably for college or military stuff, I didn't ask further. And I was fine, for the most part.

I started to forget! I started to forget that S existed, I made two new friends (who stabbed me in the back, but that's another story for another time), I took two art classes I loved.. It was great! (* ^ ω ^) I had so much joy and whimsy in me that I didn't know I had! And I was like "woww... (✯◡✯) I am never falling in love again,"

I failed that last thing (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) I fell in love with a guy who wasn't ready for a relationship, but we're still friends/mutuals and he clarified the whole thing! Thank gods he decided to actually use his words -w- ohh my goodness.

But for some cruel reason, my mind had been wandering back to S, and good gods, this SUCKS. /srs :'(

I cried a bit, I keep thinking about him, and I am trying to shove these feelings, WAYYY deep down, but like... They keep coming back! It keeps coming back, it was like the Crash of the Titans era, with how much of these feelings came up, it kept coming back! (≖､≖╬) and I was not fond of this at all. >:(

As of now, I still think about him, but I am trying so hard not to. Even if it means trying to not stay up until 10 pm - 12 AM alone with my thoughts ( - >-) or if i'm gonna do that, I need to at least try and distract myself with (preferably) something that doesn't have to do with romance (sorry, Date Everything hyperfixation :( /silly)

anyways, that's all for now, bye-bye! :D imma go blast Kendrick Lamar's music now :3

Just another day, throw your cares away and laugh hand-in-hand with me!~ /lyr