Blog #2 (crashing out)

TW: abuse, neglect, cps, family trauma (idk if anyone will actually read this but I rlly just needed to vent lolll)

so my mom skipped my cps court date. the one where i finally get out. like literally the court date. not a random check-in, not a vibes-only hearing, THE court date. she decided to go cry over the corpse of her dead stepdad who has been dead for 12 years. this isn’t even a fresh kill. she had to microwave that grief. and guess who she invited to go with her. ME. to the funeral. of a man i didn’t know. who abused HER and my uncle. like girl what do you want me to do there, tap dance on his grave? summon his ghost and tell him he still ain’t shit?

and when i texted her like “yo you owe me an apology,” she hit me with the reverse uno and said she deserves an apology. FOR WHAT?? for skipping the only event in my life that didn’t involve someone getting arrested? i was literally in cps because she dumped me when i was five. left me like a free couch on the curb. i was bounced around so much i should’ve come with a shipping label. foster homes, rehabs, group homes, courtrooms like it was a damn tour. and when she finally takes me back, her mom tries to shoot me. like welcome home i guess.

and now after all that she’s blowing up my phone like i wronged her. girl i got beat up in my sleep in those homes. i ran away from more institutions than your last five boyfriends ran from child support. and YOU wanna act like I hurt YOU? nah. miss me with that. the only thing you ever showed up for was chaos. i should’ve handed the judge a slide deck titled “why she shouldn’t be allowed to text me anymore.”

you don’t get to bail on me for a crusty skeleton in the ground and then gaslight me like i’m the villain. you don’t get to ignore the fact that you fumbled the easiest task in the world which was literally showing up for your kid once. you were probably more on time for your mugshots than you’ve ever been for my life. girl you showed up for a corpse who never paid your bills or saved your life but dipped on the one person who somehow survived all your damage. and now you want sympathy? congrats on burying your stepdad. now go grieve the relationship you killed with your living child.