Empathy

    Empathy is often praised as a virtue, yet misunderstood in its depth and application. In common discourse, it is frequently associated with kindness or politeness, or reduced to a soft-hearted sentimentality. However, authentic empathy—defined as the ability to cognitively and emotionally understand another person’s experience—is far more complex and demanding. As social psychologist Daniel Batson (2009) explains, empathy involves both perspective-taking (cognitive empathy) and empathic concern (emotional resonance), and when practiced sincerely, it becomes a moral force capable of transforming relationships, institutions, and societies.

    But in reality, empathy isn’t always easy to give. People often offer it to those who are easy to love—those who look familiar, behave "normally", or fit into what society says is acceptable. In school, at work, online—we see how empathy tends to circle around those who are popular, likable, or comfortable to be around. But what about the ones who seem odd, distant, awkward? The ones who don’t quite fit the mold?

   We don’t talk enough about how empathy is sometimes selective. And that’s something I’ve had to confront in myself, too. There have been times when I’ve withheld kindness without meaning to—when someone’s experience felt too different, or when I didn’t know what to say. I’m still learning. I’m still growing. And I’m starting to understand that true empathy isn’t about relating to someone. It’s about choosing to care, even when we don’t.

   True empathy challenges these patterns. It asks us to move beyond comfort and convenience. It requires us to remain present even when someone's pain is foreign, when their identity threatens our assumptions, or when their behavior defies our norms. Psychologist Brené Brown articulates this distinction clearly: "Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘you’re not alone.’" (Brown, 2010).

   Unfortunately, cultural narratives have begun to frame empathy as a weakness. In a 2023 interview, Elon Musk claimed that “the fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.” Such rhetoric, echoing a hyper-utilitarian logic, suggests that compassion is inefficient or irrational.

   Psychologist Brené Brown once said that empathy has no script. It doesn’t require perfection, only presence. It’s not about silver linings or solutions—it’s about connection. That connection can feel fragile, especially in a world that moves so fast, and often rewards detachment. But the truth is, our ability to care—especially when it’s hard—is one of the most human things about us.

   Today, empathy is sometimes dismissed as weak or soft. Even public figures have said things like, “Empathy is the downfall of our civilization.” But I believe the opposite is true. Throughout history, it’s been our capacity to care for one another that has allowed us to survive, to heal, and to rebuild after hurt. Empathy has carried us through wars, disasters, and grief. It’s what makes it possible for us to hold each other up when things fall apart.

   That doesn’t mean empathy is always comfortable. Sometimes it asks us to sit with stories that unsettle us. Sometimes it means listening without judgment, or being patient when someone expresses themselves in a way we don’t understand. But those are the moments when empathy matters most—not when it’s easy, but when it’s hard.

   I’ve come to believe that we don’t need more perfection in the world. We need more softness. More people willing to slow down and say, “Tell me how that felt for you.” We need to practice empathy not just with people we love, but also with those who challenge us, who confuse us, who make us think twice.

Source:

 Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.

 Batson, D. C. (2009). These Things Called Empathy: Eight Related but Distinct Phenomena. In J. Decety & W. Ickes (Eds.), The Social Neuroscience of Empathy. MIT Press.

By: me