is it really mean? yeah, vent

so, last friday i have a plan to go to a mall with my middle school's friend. but i have a really horrible idea to invite two of my elementary school's friend.

the first 3 hours was fine, i talked to my friends from both schools, i introduced them to each other and im making sure my elementary school friend isn't feeling left out. im going to call them T, and R (elementary friends.)

so, we just picking up R from their school before we go to the mall with our bicycle. its a really long trip and then im worried about one of my friend from middle school because she has an asthma right, im worried she would relapse. so i really² doesn't want anything happens to her. T and R (they ride the same bicycle) already in the very front of us. they stopped because some of us were already behind.

i screamed when T and R about to leave again. I screamed dumb shit in the middle of the road. telling them to stop and to hear me out. i dont know what am i doing, but my middle school's friend is getting into the passenger seat, with R steer the bicycle and T riding my friend's bike.

I can't help myself to just cry. and things turns to be worst

when we arrive at the mall, my elementary school's friends is separate with me and my middle school's friends. we go to a book store, and they go to the make up section.

they do came back for us, in the bookstore, i realized my keychain that R gave me is gone somewhere. it came off the keychain. i told R about it because i feel sorry. but R and T calls me evil and mean, in a joking way. but i feel like they doesn't mean it to be a joke. i panicked again, its so scary to see them from a little bit afar from me calling me evil. R even mentioned about the hair clip i accidentally lost it somewhere.

I admit I like to lose small things so often. but keychain is a literal accident and i dont know it gone. I walked to both of them because i just wanted one of them to talk to me. to confirm they still likes me after i just stick around with my middle school's friends.

R walked away and T doesn't say a thing.

and then again, i cried again because it just doesn't feel right. i talked about it with my middle school's friend in the bathroom. away from T and R until i finally can calm myself down. i tried to get close to them again and i didn't say a thing. we finally have a chat even its just for a few minutes, but i can see that R looks really annoyed and only talked to T.

that night, i found out they're going to cosplaying characters from genshin and im planning on cosplaying Jeff the killer on some event on October. i was the one to came up with the idea of us going to the con and im the one to tell who am i going to be.

Halloween is my birthday. it supposed to be funtime for me and my friends to spend.

the thing is. months ago R confessed that she likes me. I dont like this