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Doppo Kunikida's Notes on Osamu Dazai.
An Excerpt from Kunikida's Ideal Journal.
hi I was bored and I wrote this I don't have a lot to say teehee this is kinda embarrassing I'm not a writer whatsoever I suck at it please forgive me
Entry 11/15/XXXX
Time started: 07:12 AM, Agency Office
Time ended: 09:47 PM, Personal Quarters
Weather: Overcast, light drizzle; temperature 13°C
Notes on my co-worker and partner, Dazai.
Name: Osamu Dazai
Height: 181 cm
Weight: 67 kg
Blood Type: AB
Date of Entry into Agency: [REDACTED]
Position: Detective
Ability: No Longer Human (Nullification)
Habits:
- Tends to lean out of windows
- Loiters on rooftops; has poor regard for personal safety
- Drinks black coffee, but with no real consistency
- Mood shifts rapidly between manic humor and unsettling quiet
- Avoids eye contact when asked sincere questions
Appearance:
Hair: Short, wavy dark‑brown, disheveled - sometimes falling across his face in lazy waves that feel careless in contrast to the rest of him.
Eyes: Narrow, brown; frequently half‑lidded, carrying the curious weight of someone more tired than he lets on - yet at times, the look sharpens, graceful and precise.
Attire: Sand‑colored trench coat worn untied over a black vest and light‑blue striped dress shirt, bolo tie with turquoise pendant; pale bandages wrapped around neck and arms, stark against skin.
Notes on Appearance:
It’s been years since he joined the Agency, and yet, Dazai continues to carry himself as if he's just walked in off the street - uninvited, unbothered, and half-alive.
His hair remains unkempt, curling in soft waves around his face with that same effortless carelessness. His coat is never properly worn, his bandages are never clean, and his shirt always looks one movement away from falling out of place.
But somehow… none of it feels unintentional. Despite the apparent disorder, there is a strange elegance in how he moves - in the subtle way he crosses his legs, how his fingers curl around his chin when he's thinking, how his eyes narrow just before he speaks.
He’s graceful in the same way a falling leaf is: messy in direction, but beautiful in motion.
No matter how long I’ve observed him, he never looks settled. Like he’s always half a step out of place - not because he doesn’t know where he belongs, but because he refuses to belong anywhere at all.
Personality:
Flippant, evasive, and utterly insufferable. Seemed to take nothing seriously. I initially assumed he was merely an idiot.
Notes on Personality:
Dazai possesses a sharp intellect that he deliberately conceals beneath layers of absurdity. He avoids sincerity like the plague, yet shows occasional glimpses of something deeper - perhaps even noble, if only he’d allow it to surface. Tends to deflect meaningful conversation with humor or morbidity. Difficult to categorize. Dangerous, in the way people are when they understand too much and care too little - or pretend to.
Quick summary:
Unpredictable. Highly intelligent. Maddening. Useful.
Dangerous in ways I can’t define.
Frustratingly effective.
A mystery I’ve failed to solve despite years of effort.
No discernible Ideal.
May not believe in one at all. No. Never Mind. He doesn't believe in one at all. In fact, he mocks my own.
Regarding Osamu Dazai.
I’ve tried to analyze him the way I analyze everyone.
But he slips through formulas.
Like smoke through fingers. Like ink in water.
He sees through me. That smile of his - it’s not real.
But I don’t know what it hides. I want to.
(Why do I want to? I ask myself.)
He laughs like he’s dying.
Like each joke is a coffin lid slammed shut.
I asked him once,
“What do you want from this world?”
He said,
“Nothing it’ll give me willingly.”
Do you go around with no destination in mind? Do you lack purpose?
I bite back the words, swallowing them down my throat with struggle.
Because I knew that even if I begged, his lips would remain sealed.
He was quite frustrating when I first met him.
No - actually, he was and remains so.
He still manages to make me lose my temper more than I’d care to admit. How can a single man enter my life and not only challenge, but mock my ideals? And worse - how did he succeed in making me question them?
I find myself shifting my methods, adjusting my systems - all to make him fit somewhere in these pages. Quite the hassle, that man.
I can’t handle him at times.
And yet here I am, ink bleeding truths I never speak aloud. Words I wish would leave my lips. Words I wish he’d take seriously.
Words I wish he wouldn’t laugh off.
Words I wish could help him.
And yet, it seems that nothing I do will ever truly reach him.
He’s untouchable. Distant. And yet, somehow, he still manages to seem like he’s right next to you. Like he’s open. Friendly. Close.
But it’s an illusion. He keeps everyone at arm’s length.
And I want to challenge that length.
I wish I were someone he could trust. I know - I know - there’s something beneath that foolish act he wears like a cloak. But I don’t know what.
Every attempt to get closer to him feels like wandering through a mansion of endless rooms. You open one, thinking this is it - the core of him.
But then there’s another door. Then another.
A hallway without end.
I’d like to think there’s a final room, eventually.
For the sake of my sanity.
…Or for his, as well.
I write these notes to categorize and contain the chaos that surrounds him. And yet, despite this documentation - every habit, every observation - I find that the more I try to understand him, the less I feel grounded in what I know.
Perhaps this too should be noted.
I can catalog his habits, his appearance, his quirks with methodical precision. The facts are simple to collect, the surface easy to describe.
But when it comes to what lies beneath - his intentions, his desires, the truths he hides behind his laughter - the ink runs dry.
Words slip past my grasp, scattering like ash in the wind. I find myself grasping for phrases that do not come, sentences that dissolve before they form.
Perhaps some things cannot be captured in a notebook.
Perhaps this is one of them.
My ideals will remain unchanged.
I will follow them, no matter the obstacle.
...Or, in this case, no matter who the obstacle may be.
It is written very clearly in this notebook:
I will not allow anyone to suffer before my eyes.
Not unless I have suffered with them first.
That is the life I’ve chosen.
That is the man I will continue to be.
…Even if that means standing beside someone
who makes my ideals falter without ever trying.
Comments
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ferretinsoup
It's apparent that you understand his character and ideals so well, I really do love this piece1!! It's such an odd concept, and I doubt many people could have done it this well- double kudos, friend1!! ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-
Additionally, you can really feel the difference between his informative writing, and more emotionally charged writings on Dazai without the usual dramatization that people put on their relationship. It's subtle and intricate, very clearly well thought out,, I really love this.
by ferretinsoup; ; Report
PHEWWW IM SO GLAD IT DIDNT COME OFF AS IF I WAS FORCING INSANE TRAGEDY OR SOMETHING ONTO THEIR DYNAMIC... like I'm a HARDCORE fan of them as a romantic ship (which usually leads to dramatization) but I tried to keep this as ambiguous as possible. They CAN have some insane depth but there's no need to be so direct about it I think. Lately I can't write so excuse my terrible response to your very much appreciated comment... I hope I was undesrstood... thank you so much though!!
by depression319; ; Report
I honestly am not a fan of it when people force their head-canons and ships into pieces like this, it really destroys the otherwise immersive experience for me.
I also ship them pretty heavily, and I really enjoy how much you've left it up to the reader1!!
I look forward to anything you might write in the future ◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜
by ferretinsoup; ; Report
Ollie☆ (semi inactive)
OH MY GOD THIS SO PEAK AHSDESFGYT AND U MANAGED TO CATCH KUNIKIDAS CHARACTER SO WELL WWER4FTJHFEFF THIS IS SO PEAK I DEMAND 100 MORE CHAPTERS
/hj BUT OH MY OGD PEAK THIS IS LIKE. TNE KUNIZAI FIC VRO. On another note its clearly visible you understand both characters, and your writing is so on spot T_T.. yeah no im gonna draw this..........:3 i dont think you understand how peak this is its like so peak its feeding my little kunizai hungry ahh perfectly *explodes*
Samu /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\⚰️
I LOVE THIS I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE UNDERSTAND COMPLEX CHARACTERS HOLY SHIT THIS IS ACTUALLY PERFECT WORDS CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW WELL WRITTEN THIS IS
☥𝔣𝔶𝔬𝔡𝔬𝔯'𝔰_𝔩𝔦𝔠𝔢𝔡_𝔲𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨𝔞☥
holy shit! this is truly the most well written and in character, dare i say the best kunizai fanfic i have ever had the utter honor to lay my undeserving eyes upon of?! i adore how insanly on character they both are, with kunikida's notes on surface observations being informative and conscice, while the personal ones have such a delicate, detailed and profound poetic turn without changing his personality one tad bit which is insane to me, and dazai being dazai, a walking enigma even to his dear old partners in crime/law, this fic has singlehandedly made me belive in love and has made kunizai my fav ship yet again, i can't even begin to describe how delighted i am to be have been able to read it and how happy i am for you to have written such delightful relic!! this deserves to be known galactically, i wish for you dear author, to forever rejoice in the pride of writtind such masterpiece ^^!
iiii have no words for this one. oh my god. I'm extremely flattered!!!! THANK YOU!!! hehehe giggles and kicks my feet
by depression319; ; Report
*interlocks toes with u* no, thank u <3
by ☥𝔣𝔶𝔬𝔡𝔬𝔯'𝔰_𝔩𝔦𝔠𝔢𝔡_𝔲𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨𝔞☥; ; Report
ヤミ☆なれ ( funkky )
WoAH !!!!!!!!! i love how in character they both are !!! THANK UOU FOR SERVIBG US !!!!!!
gives me the inspiration to draw this out specifically during class >w< like dude your fanfic is getting a half assed manga adaptation woohoo
WHATT UWWHUHUHG.... i'd love to see it if u make it eheheh... THANK YOU BTW
kunikida's kinda hard to write... and that's coming from me who has tried to analyze him way too much for my own good... but i love writing him either way
by depression319; ; Report
‿୨♡୧LYCHEE୨♡୧‿
MAN I ABSALUTELEY ADORE HOW ACCURATE OF A VOICE YOU CURRATED FOR KUNIKIDA I LIKE HOW YOUR WRITING REFLECTS EXACTLY HIS PERSONALITY THE SENTENCES ARE SHORT, CONSCISE, INFORMATIVE AND PERCEPTIVE LIKE OUR OLD MAN AND YOU EVEN GAVE HIM A TSUANDERE AHH EDGE IM OBSESSED GOODBYE I THINK I COULD ANALYSE YOUR WRITING FOR PAGES AND PAGES I REALLY LIKE THE DETAIL YOU PUT INTO IT FROM HIS POV LIKE HE'S TRYING TO ANALYZE DAZAI IN HIS LOGICAL STUBBORN WAY BUT JUST CANT ITS ACTUALLY GENIUS YOU DID IT ALL TOO WELL BRO I RESPECT
UGHEEIEFEHAFAHIHUFEu OH MY GOD???? THANK YOU EHBHGHEH words escape me I apologize BUT this comment made me quite happy :3
I tried to give it some form of poetic turn when it came to his personal notes (regarding Osamu Dazai)!! I mean, he's all about poetry so I might as well include that into his writing. I like thinking Kunikida's writing can be subconsciously poetic and metaphorical.
by depression319; ; Report
IT CANN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I THINK HE PROBABLY UNDERESTIMATES HIMSELF SO MUCH COMPARED TO DAZAI CUZ HE KNOWS HOW AMAZING THAT MAN IS BUT HE IS NO JOKEEEEE HIMSELF I FEEL LIKE YOUR WORDING REALLY CAPTIVATED THE THOUGHT PROCESS I THINK HE TENDS TO HAVE IM SO HAPPY IF ANYTHING THIS BLOG MADE MYY DAY MORE THAN ANYTHING BUT I HOPE IT BRAUGHT YOU A SMILE TOO BECAUS YOU DESERVE TO LAVISH IN YOUR SUCCSESSES r=GIVE ME AN AUTOGRAPH AND REMEMBER ME WHEN YOUR FAMOUS FR? o(≧口≦)o💗💕💞💖
by ‿୨♡୧LYCHEE୨♡୧‿; ; Report
YES THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING HOW HE UNDERESTIMATES HIMSELF like I do think he gets overwhelmed by Dazai’s chaos + genius + unpredictability but like.. Kunikida himself is so insanely capable and thoughtful and sharp and he deserves to be seen. He deserves to be LOVED.
I WILL TOTALLY REMEMBER YOU WHEN IM.. well.. if I ever get famous LMAO. LOVE YOU THOUGH. um.. throws an autographed kunikida plushie at you
by depression319; ; Report
EATS THE KUNIKADA PLUSHIE, YES HE IS SO UNDERRATED AS A CHARACTER BBG DESERVES BETTERRR
by ‿୨♡୧LYCHEE୨♡୧‿; ; Report
leo☆
BEAUTIFUL gives u all my kudos
AHH THANK U LEO HEHEHE
by depression319; ; Report
cezary
it's really well written
REALLY??? IM GLAD YOU THINK SO HEHE!!!!
by depression319; ; Report
Heysilly:3
this is so peak oh my god dhubbdhbhf
HBGHEJGKBKJGB I didn't think it would be liked as much. This came to me in a vision LMAO
by depression319; ; Report
🎀 ┆@ — ʎʇʇı̣ꓘɹɐƃnS ?! (Dollmaxxing) (hiatus era)
BROOO THIS IS SO COOL!!! AND THE LAYOUT IS SO CUTE ILISM!!!
JBGJBEGJJ THANK YOUUU the layout is a whole ass mess because I did it very quickly and I still had to fix stuff but hey !!!!!! I'm glad someone likes it !!!!
by depression319; ; Report