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So, I was having this dilemma a few days ago. it started because I had thought about about what I would like in a partner. specifically how I would like them to provide me love. for example, I'd be into someone who would want to provide for me physically like being chivalrous. (holding doors open, scooting chairs out for me to sit in, that sort of thing.)
and then I started to think about how I would provide for them. and I really couldn't think of anything besides the 'traditional' wife duties. but if I were just dating someone, I wouldn't want to give them wifey things without a ring on my finger. so it would just be me giving them gifts or physical affection.
and to me I thought it wasn't really fair. I mean, I wanted my relationships to be equal so if I were to just make gifts for my partner while they're basically being a butler for me, that wouldn't be fair, right? they're doing more physical tasks while the most I would give is hugs and kisses.
and I thought a lot of relationships are similar. what does the woman provide??? women traditionally are just expected to give love and affection to men while men are expected to do that + MORE. and dynamics are changing, women don't have to be SAHMs anymore and aren't expected to give their lives becoming a mother and caring for the house. men are expected to do that as well.
that also further puts less responsibility on the women, and the things that men and women provide in a relationship seem to be farther than equal now that dynamics are changing. don't get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of women expecting princess treatment, as they deserve. but I found it was the women doing bare minimum, basically existing while expecting to be treated right.
but the question is, how do men get treated right?
so I asked my friend about this, and he started spitting straight facts, literally poetry.
he said "Honestly, they get treated the same in a different font. Guys usually don't want to be pampered in that way/ aren't expected to be. think of it like cats and dogs. they both get treated right with generous amounts of care, it's just given in different ways."
shoutout June, what a guy.
so uh yeah! that basically answered my question. XD
moral of the story is that each side can give the same amount of love and affection, it just looks different! guys typically show their love through labor and pampering, while women tend to show their love through things like cooking or gifts.
it's equal in their own way:D
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MAD SCIENCE
Check out love languages. It's not a male/female thing, it's a personal thing.
Some guys hold being given gifts in high value, others hold service in high value, others physical touch etc. You can have more than one love language but usually they are ranked in preference for each person.
Modern guys are definitely asking the question what DO some women bring to the table. The answer unfortunately for many modern women is "I am the table" just like you said. Simply existing is enough. But the girls that ride their life on vanity and attention while they are young inevitably realize that it fades as they age, usually quite quickly as well. Men also go from wanting a hole to fill, to needing a stable person who has their own skills and can help support and raise quality offspring.
Things men want from women could be home cooked meals that you don't just buy preprocessed at the grocery store and throw in the microwave. Help around the house with chores. Support with bills. Just depends on the guy and the situation. A rich guy probably doesn't care that you bought him dinner, but a broke dude will think you are a queen. If YOU feel like you want to marry a certain man, even if you aren't married you should treat him as if you were. Very seldom do I ever see a woman actually change because she got a circle of metal on her finger.
1D10T_P13
> "but I found it was the women doing bare minimum, basically existing while expecting to be treated right."
i think the whole ~women getting princess treatment~ thing probably comes from ye olden days when men would have to give women expensive gifts to, you know, prove they're financially stable enough to provide for a family?? i do agree that there's not much a woman can do pre-marriage, but that's really only because what comes post-marriage (children) is SO incredibly important. (and because in ye olden days there wasn't much of a 'pre-marriage' stage at all.)
> "women don't have to be SAHMs anymore and aren't expected to give their lives becoming a mother and caring for the house. men are expected to do that as well. "
i feel like it's also important to note that while social dynamics are changing, the economy is too! women are also now being expected to work. like, men *are* being expected to pick up more of what's traditionally a women's role, but that's really only in response to women have to pick up what's traditionally a man's role. it would be unfair to have a woman play two roles while her husband only plays one!
as for what a woman can do pre-marriage? well, these days, most women provide for their family right alongside their boyfriend. but if we're going super traditional with the gender roles here, it's hard to say. most gender roles we have today were established in a time where there *was* no dating, only courting and then marriage. therefore, they're incompatible with the ideas we have about dating today.
what your friend said was pretty nice, though. :))
Rory :3
That is a very interesting way to look at a heterosexual relationship. Ive never minded the idea of being a housewife, though thats mainly because im a lesbian and id be a housewife for a girl and not a guy AJHSAJHAJH but yeahh, i feel that it really depends on how you and your partner feel. If youre perfectly fine staying at home managing the house, and your partner is perfectly fine being the breadwinner of the relationship, then whats the issue? It only becomes a problem when you start to feel restricted to that role, e.g your partner doesnt want you to see your friends because they want you at home cooking and cleaning, or they dismiss the idea of you getting a job each time you bring it up. Your friend is totally right though, thats a really nice way of looking at it.
Trudie! ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵
Yes! It’s day and night on how men and women give affection. He’s very right about thats as well.
He said thanks
by kiko!; ; Report