𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓐𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓹𝓾𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

Manipulation is a tool often used in various areas—work environments, relationships, blackmail, etc. Our brains can adapt to using this tool in harmful ways, often through psychological abuse.

I did a deep dive into Manipulation and made brief notes. Here are some things you should know.

(I will be mostly leaning into relationship scenarios because that's what i have experienced personally.)

WARNING! This post is NOT information on how to abuse others using manipulation. This is made to help you learn and avoid these situations. 

(If anything I say is incorrect pls correct me in the comments kindly! Thank you.)

As someone who has been manipulated multiple times throughout my life i decidied it was time i learn about it so i can take a stand against is. Please be kind to those around you! xx

The mirror technique - becoming you to control you
It works by reflecting you back at yourself. The manipulator adopts your values, your tone, your insecurities, your humor, your posture, your pacing, your beliefs. They make you feel seen, understood, soul connected.
We are naturally drawn to alikeness and so you feel safe and let you guards down, leaving you vulnerable.
They can make you feel they "just get you." They make you think "finally someone who understand." 
And finally when someone who 'understands you' makes a request or push a belief, it feels natural to say yes.
You don't see the manipulation because it wears your face.

How to spot it?
look for perfection and patterns that are too aligned.
if someone seems like a clone of you or never pushes back, they are not connecting. They are performing.

Gaslighting - warping your sense of reality till you don't trust yourself
It starts small. The manipulator saying things like "That's not what happened" 
You become confused and start questioning yourself.
Then it's, "you're imagining things." Over time you start to doubt your memory, instincts, emotions, then eventually your perception of truth.
Gaslighting works because it doesn't try to control what you do, it makes you question whether what you're feeling is valid. 
"It's not that big of a deal", "I never said that-you must have misunderstood", "don't you trust me more than your memory?"
People who are being gaslight often defend their gaslighter.

How to protect yourself?
Document conversations, record how you feel after interactions, share with trusted outsiders.
Gaslighting slowly breaks you
Remember: your perception is valid. Your emotions are data.
If someone constantly makes you question both, it is not love. it's control.

Foot-in-the-door - getting you to say yes to something small then using that for more
A request so harmless you think nothing of it. Once you agree, the real game begins.
If we say yes once, we'll keep saying yes to stay true to ourselves. Manipulators know this.
"can you just sign this form?" turns into, "well you already signed that one so why not this one?"
Someone who asks for a small favor, then starts to expect more.
This tactic works well on people pleasers and people who are too afraid to say no.

Key to defending yourself?
Isn't to stop saying yes. It's to break the chain.
Manipulators count on your momentum. But you have the right to stop and say, "that was then, this is now."

Lovebombing and Idealization - flood you with validation to quickly bypass your boundaries and defenses
showering you with affection, praise, gifts, and promises.
You feel seen, adored, and worshipped. You start to think "This is what I've been wanting." "They are perfect."
It's not love. It's bait.
They say you're different, special, and perfect.
They mirror your dreams and agree with everything. Making you feel chosen.
Once you feel safe and loved, you're less likely to question their intensions.
Then they shift. After giving you all this they withdraw. They become cold, distant, dry, confusing.
They make you question what went wrong.
You become addicted to the version they once were and begin chasing that approval.
Real love doesn't rush.
If someone likes you too much too soon without really knowing you, pause.
If they idealize you without seeing your flaws, be careful.
If their love stops as soon as you put up a boundary, it was never real.
The more you crave it the more control they have.

Fear priming - control through crisis
Someone introduces a threat, real or imagined, to take control of your emotional state.
Once you're in fear they give a solution. Conveniently, it's a solution that puts them in control.
When you're scared your brain shifts from rational to reactive and logic stops. Survival takes over.
"without me you'll never feel loved/safe/whole." It works because humans are wired to avoid pain.

Identity seeding - labels that lock you in
Controlling the identity you believe you are.
Someone subtly assigns you a label and you accept it. Not because they force you to but because your ego does the rest.
"you're such a good person." "you're not like the others." "you're loyal, you'd never walk away."
It may sound like a compliment, but in reality it's a psychological trap.
Once you accept that label, you start to behave in ways that protect it. You perform the identity to keep getting approval.
"you're not someone who gives up, right?" 
If someone ties your worth to a label, you fight to keep it. Even if that means betraying your values. You are not a role to be filled. You are a living being. Anyone who tries to define you too quickly, might be attempting to own you quietly. 

Manufactured Scarcity - creating the illusion that time, opportunity, love, or resources are running out (when they aren't)
Gets you to act fast before you can think clearly.
"you'll never find someone like me again."
Scarcity triggers survival fear. If you think something needed is slipping away, you panic.
Your logic disappears and the manipulator moves in.
Anyone who pressures you to decide quickly, doesn't want you to think clearly.
Think "Is this actually rare, or am i just being rushed."


Manipulation works best when you don't know it is happening. When it looks like love, safety, or opportunity.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE AND RIGHT AS A HUMAN BEING.