Where I'm At

I'm trans now (gotta change the profile), and it sucks how much more Myself it feels. Like I'm no longer observing myself but just being myself, and it's nice. Just sucks that it makes my life hell and throws a wrench in all my plans. Whatever. I miss Jordan. I miss knowing someone that well. It sucks missing him and the role he filled in my life. And it SUCKS I can't stalk him. It should be my legal right. U cant get rid of all your social media that's not fair. You can't know what I'm up to when I don't get to know what you're up to. It's not fair. And the worst part is we never even made out or anything!!! What a fucking coward. But ig so am i. I got so stuck in my head trying to figure out the best way to go about things, or how to go about things to make sure they didn't all fall apart. And then they did anyways!!! It's so unfair. I miss him, and I forgive him which is the WORST PART. I just need closure. I need to make out with him and then scream and cry and then I'll be okay. I hate that I still care about him. I'm saying all this Here so I don't text him for real. because that would be bad and would only let me down. I worked better when I was trying to impress him.