i need a break

[wed 23 jul, 16:17]

i need help and i need time to think. i am taking a break from needy social media apps like instagram or snapchat as they will only make my current condition worse. i anxiously check every notification hoping that he came back. i dont think he ever will, tho. its a silent but deadly thing that drains the life out of me, and i cant just sit around and do nothing. this platform, however, is much more healthy. most people are, if not all people, very nice and friendly. they write passionate blogs and write about their life in a way that doesnt make me compare mine to theirs, but makes me engaged with their life and i cheer every single one of them on. either way, i do need to stop focusing on people who dont care about me. im sick and tired of feeling enervated every time i step into instagram, for one reason or another. so, i am taking a break. nobody talks about how draining it can be to be so connected yet so distant. so intertwined with the internet, yet so separated from reality. additionally, nobody talks about how draining it can be to be needlessly attached to someone. every movement they make, you analyze. a slight change in tone means that they hate you. any chance of validation, you cherish and fixate on. well, im done with that. i am going to take steps to try and fight it. it wont be easy for me, at all. its gonna hurt. but it will never hurt again. i hope anyone else struggling with the same thing can cure it quickly. the reality is, people suck, even if its not their fault. 

thank you kind strangers for your support, no matter how small, it means alot! <333